Russell the muscle and the moyles

Is it just me or are Russell ‘the love-muscle’ Brand and Chris Moyles the most over-rated, unfunny, over-exposed pair of media pricks? Everyone tells me how entertaining, witty and outrageous they are, and what a brilliant job they’ve done ‘rescuing’ C4 and Radio 1. Really? I know the audience figures support that and I must be out of kilter with the general, youthful audience out there but I just don’t get their appeal.

Take the muscle. He just seems to ramble incoherently about whatever comes into his mind – a babbling stream of consciousness. Is any of his stuff scripted – if it isn’t then 7 out of 10 for him for just talking without hesitation, repetition or deviation for not just a minute but incessantly. I could then forgive the fact I don’t find him in the least amusing, but if it is scripted, then please send me directions to the humorous bits please. I got lost at junction unfunny.

I know you’re going to say I’m envious because of my ‘uncomplicated’ hairstyle but what possesses a man to want to spend an hour every morning back-combing his barnet? It was ok as a look-at-me-I’m-different-and-wacky sort of look when he came on the scene but now the Brand brand has been established, wouldn’t you want to get back to just long hair? Unless he looks a prat without the bouffant bit. In which case will he still adopt the style into his 50’s? Now that would be funny, especially if by that stage he was heading for a Bobby Charlton.

And the clothes….hmm. I can the understand the black style verging on new romantic look he’s adopted. But those trousers are tight man and, like the hair, it’s going to be difficult for him to change his style now I suspect. Imaging having to pack everything into those drainpipe rascals when the fat handles start developing (and they will Russ!). Now compare this with the Moyles’ style of pants, discussed below, where the words agricultural, farm and worker spring to mind.

But, it seems that my thoughts on the Brand appearance are nor shared by the nation’s womanhood as his publicity machine constantly reminds us that the love muscle has already broken through the 2000 barrier and his heading rapidly towards Jack Nicholson’s bedknotch tally. Get over yourself son.

Now then, my particular favourite at the moment is the Moyles mouth. Again, lots of folk tell me he’s really cutting edge and naturally witty but I just see some fat bloke from Leeds with an oversize head with a bigoted attitude towards most things in life. He does have a very healthy attitude towards his own genius – witness his acceptance speech upon receiving a Sony award last year – “About time too”. Such class. And wo betide any of his posse who dare to take a different point of view to the Chief or who are less than deferential at his humour. He looks rough house too, what a scruffy bugger. His trousers fit nowhere. In fact he dresses like a pig farmer.

But he’s popular, putting on over a million new (or are they former) listeners on Radio 1. Incredible – not in a wonderful sense; more like disbelieving. Plus he’s on everywhere at the moment. BB big mouth (very appropriate) the other night, then the F word (ditto) and this week he’s featuring on the Friday Night Project.

I must be blind I reckon and so out of touch with popular culture. I caught some of Moyles’ interview with Sharon and Ozzie last week. I don’t think Sharon was supposed to be there but thankfully (deliberately?) she was on hand to translate for Ozzie who’s almost unintelligible these days. There wasn’t a lot of Paxman style interview technique from the Moyles, just unadulterated fawning. Come on Chris, if you’re going to have some interesting characters on the show, make them earn the publicity. All we heard after they’d gone was how wonderful the programme had been – from MM himself of course and then his sycophantic crew. Excuse me if the wonder of it passed me by.

If you can honestly tell me what I’m missing, please do.



6 thoughts on “Russell the muscle and the moyles

  1. Hey, I know a very well dressed pig farmer!

    I have to agree on the rest of it though. Without “comedy” Dave I think Moyles is nothing, infact I reckon it’s really a double act but the fat one won’t admit it. A bit like Steven Merchant and The Gevaise creature, oh hang on they are both realy tallented…

    Brand is a lead singer without a band, which is just a bit sad, but comedy is the new rock and roll

  2. well at least we got moyles’ fan club online.
    by my reckoning that still leaves 52 million people not listenning to the guy with the big head and narrow shoulders. think my maths bigger than your yours.
    you’re welcome to him
    ps cheers pat

  3. ah more than a fan club member; i hear qwerty08 is someone v close to the Moyle meister. v close.
    look i’m open to be convinced. it would be illuminating to see the Moyles in action but i’m sure you’ll decline the opportunity.
    thanks for checking in all the same C.

  4. not sure i like the idea of “seeing the Moyles in action”. Conjures up far too many images that can only lead to therapy. There’s a very good reason he’s on radio…..

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