I was thinking about that great film ‘Rita, Sue and Bob Too’ about life up north for a blerk who likes his ladies and the thought occurs that they could do the re-make with Sven and those lovely northern lassies from BB, Charley and Chanelle. I mean it’s got a ring of realism behind it; Sven will almost certainly not move house up north and you can bet your life the sophisticated Nancy will be preferring Mayfair to Deansgate. So Sven will be holed up in the Lowry hotel with lots of time on his hands and in need of some comforting…..
Meanwhile predator Charley will be on the prowl for some footballing numpty with a very large salary, lusty urges and dodgy taste in women. Craig Bellamy’s heading down to London but wait a minute who’s this new guy on the scene in the Midland Hotel (sorry Crowne Plaza) late night bar with a funny accent? People keep asking him like Where’s Gordon’s Ericsson or sumfing says Charley but he’s like the manager of Melchester Wanderers right or sumfing, yeh. I’ll ‘ave ‘im before like he finds that bloody mobile fern, yeh. Wait a minute who should also be in the bar but back-on-the-market Chanelle, fresh from the BB house and now sadly separated from Zeggeh. It were never gunna werk, says Chanelle, coz ‘e thought mi accent were raht funneh. We were like tow ships that passed in’t naht. But this Turnips blerk’s raht tasteh. I’ll ‘ave ‘im even thur am feelin raht parly. And so one of the classic snooker breaks begins; easy black, soft white and a pink over the hole.
Meanwhile Nancy’s entertaining herself down in London with that dashing Welsh Captain. She thought he said he’s Bellamy of the Guards. Sorry Nancy that was ‘hell i’m so hard’. yeh for a little prick.