Is it just me or is Ian Poulter becoming the sporting Karl Lagerfeld? In case you don’t know Poulter is one of England’s best golfers. He has a penchant, a bit like Lagerfeld, for sporting blonde-enhanced hair and regulation clothes of the trade, but significantly exaggerated. So we see couturier Lagerfeld wearing those trademark sunglasses and odd ‘Goodfellahs’ shirts with narrow collars and big showing cuffs. Poulter’s almost as well known for his pretty sensational golfing gear which has included Union Jack trousers, Stars and Stripes trousers (both hideous), Ryder Cup images on his kecks, highly co-ordinated plus four combos and a lot more. He’s a golfing dandy from Milton Keynes and a gooner fan. He’s even sported the redcurrant (is that a colour?) celebration Arsenal shirt on the tour. But today I saw something pretty wild on my tv screen worn by the Poultmeister.
He’s apparently just launched a range of golfing gear – he must think this stuff looks cool, fair enough. So all this week at the Scottish Open he’s been wearing examples of the new range during his rounds and promoting it like crazy at every interview. You’d expect better from the BBC than to shamelessly help him promote his new clothing range. But the broadcaster has little sense of what’s seemly and appropriate these days. So every chat featured a conversation about the ‘bruised’ lilac tartan ensemble (I kid you not) or daily colour co-ordinated equivalent. If only he’d focused on the golf rather than his pretty extensive spread of partner outlets – over 60 – that are selling his gear, I bet he could have bloody won this tournament. As it was an anonymous Frenchman did, full credit to him. He didn’t talk about clothes at all this week.
But today Poulter surely lost all true sense of focus on his game as he sported the frigging worst set of golfing gear I’ve seen on a wet and windy Scottish course. Let’s face it we’ve all seeen some outrageous lime green/purple/shorts/checks/ jumper combos but thankfully Ronnie Corbett’s appearances on ‘A Round with Allis’ finished years ago. But f**k me today Ian you looked an elegant cove but a complete prick. It wasn’t that you were wearing pink – after all Ernie Els was wearing a pinkish kind of pique shirt today. No it’s that you were wearing a black shirt (was it the bruised variety?) with pink eye shade, pink trousers and pink golf shoes. Pink golf shoes!! What, you found those in the local pro shop Ian? I hope you make a fortune son but I hate to play the game already and if I had to allow some tw*t in pink trousers and shoes to play through I think I might just head off for the clubhouse and have a lot of beer to compensate. And I don’t drink the stuff. You’re talented and full of business ideas but that’s not a good look son. Forgive me but you looked like a panda’s prick.