The Beckhams land in La La Land.


Is it just me or were you staggered by the publicity surrounding the arrival of Dave, Vicky and the lads in LA? What a palaver eh! They’d booked out the whole of First Class for the flight over so they wouldn’t be disturbed by all those preoccupied and disinterested high-level business folk, running up and down the aisles. That’s understandable…. I ask you. I’ve enjoyed David’s footballing skills probably since he scored that brilliant goal from the half-way line v Wimbledon(?). But he and Victoria have moved onto a completely different level of fascination from even that of great sportsman/pop star wife. They are the latest in a line of mega-pairings, following in the footsteps of perhaps Edward and Mrs Simpson, Burton and Taylor and Charles and Diana, who the public and media just cannot get enough of, and now they are taking on the US in its toughest celebrity bear-pit. It might get feisty but it’s going to be fascinating to see how they do.

First impressions are that they’ll do just fine. They’re big mates (it’s hard to imagine Gary Neville and the missus claiming this feat) with Tom Cruise no less and Katie Holmes. We all know Tom’s a bit crazy and obsessed with all this scientology lark, but let’s face it D and V won’t understand what it is – they probably think it’s just a posh ‘O’ level. Still, as celebrity friends go, they don’t come much bigger in Hollywood than Tom Cruise which is a little ironic given that Tom is the smallest guy there after Danny de Vito (with whom I was once told I mostly closely resemble at lookie likey. That received zero points and some of my worst Anglo Saxon. It would have been a more physical response but he was a major client at the time. I sensed that earlier he’d overheard his partner telling me what a prick he was, everywhere but where it mattered most. Uumm. So the round of drinks we got for him next had some added ‘prick ingredient’ just to help him along). They (sorry, the Beckham’s) also live next door to Jay Leno, whose chat show Victoria appeared on a few hours after landing Friday. By all accounts she did ok on late night ‘Neighbours’.

However I did see one clip from the forthcoming documentary they’ve been doing on Victoria’s time in LA over the last few weeks. It involved her having her photo taken at the LA equivalent of the DVLA for her US driving licence. Victoria turned up, incredibly, at the centre with her PRs and stylists and had her hair teased and make-up applied or rather added to. They spent a lot of time getting just the right amount of shiny gloop on her lips. Then this sassy, no-nonsense black lady behind the counter asks her to pose for the shot at which point Victoria stands in front of this background with her arms outstretched and legs akimbo in this tiny tight skirt, flashing her trademark pout in a look I can only describe as ‘Ok big boy come and take me, roughly’. The shot’s taken and Victoria’s round the desk asking for veto rights over the image. The black lady just tells her ‘not here honey, this is the LA DL center’. Victoria’s not entirely happy – the hair looks a teeny bit flat (you should worry love) but she isn’t allowed another take either by Mrs Bloody LA DL Center Jobsworth and has to accept a slightly imperfect view of herself. I’m not joking this really happened. How can you be that self-obsessed? I tell you what though I bet that Licence will end up ‘lost’ very soon and another shot will have to be taken. It won’t be long before Mrs BLADLCJ finds herself on lollipop duty too (Tom’ll fix it).

Now I have to tell you none of these developments in the life of D and V comes as a major surprise. A few years ago my then great boss at BT ‘S’ and I were guests of the company who had bought the Dome and were turning into the sports/entertainment complex we now know as the O2. We were looking at the naming rights too and were being shown round the Staples Center complex etc. We met with the very senior guys there and they were talking even then of their wish to see David play out there for one of their soccer sides to back-up his association with the DB academies that were being created around the world. Everything these guys forecast (from London winning the 2012 Bid, the Dome being re-created, DB going out there to LA and several other things) has been delivered. They were the most accomplished businessmen I have ever had the pleasure to spend some time with. Maybe separately I’ll tell you another story about the very big boss and his lovely wife which is indicative of how acutely sharp these guys were. But that’s not for now.

Back to the Beckhams. The final bit of fun I read about their arrival concerns the ‘welcome to LA’ present David supposedly bought his wife – an £885,000 gem-laden vibrator, referred to as Mr Sparkles. Victoria denied it of course, after all she has her David (Goldenballs remember ) for that type of thing. But you gotta wonder if that’s what they mean by diamonds are a girl’s best friend….A 10 Q.

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