did anyone ever ask a barber for a bobby charlton?

Other than Rab C Nesbitt, I doubt it. It was never a good look; the thin stranded comb-over but it was distinctive. Not one to appeal to the ladies though I suspect. I know what you’re thinking – pots and kettles pp. I’m not just ‘challenged’ in the hair department, more like executed. But I don’t care. I saw something on MSN’s homepage which was a feature on memorable or trend-setting hairstyles. Lots of Americans I’d never heard of but several stand out examples – Jennifer Aniston’s long bob, Farrah Fawcett’s flick back, Marge Simpson’s beehive and two from the Sopranos – Paulie Walnuts’ silver wings and Syl’s 50’s quiff (which is actually a hairpiece, oh yes).

It got me thinking about the most notable hairstyles familiar to a UK audience. Here’s my top 10 men:

– anything sported by David Beckham (who can forget the Mohican, the shaven – pinched from me, the Real Madrid double pony, the corn braids etc)

– the Terry Wogan denial hairpiece. I’d love to see someone pledge £100k for Children in Need to challenge him to remove it live on air. That’d stifle the incessant blarney.

– the Mick Hucknall ginger dreadlocks look. Should have stuck with it Mick, doesn’t he look odd now?

– the corkscrew style sported by 70’s Colombian footballer Valderrama, which spawned the footballer’s perm sported by Kevin Keegan (and in fact all the Liverpool team during the 70’s). So funny

– the Mitchell bros shaven head. They’re meant to look tough but at least one of them is into dogging. Ummm.

– Russell Brand’s look. I can’t describe it, but I’m told it’s back-combed which IMHO is not an attractive style in a man. He’s going to look such a prick when eventually he decides to have a short hair cut.

– Steven Seagal tries very hard to maintain that Highlander look when everyone knows he’s half bald. Stop kidding yourself SS

– the Ian Poulter streaky highlights look favoured by hairdressers, Div 1 footballers and crap pub DJs

– the Steve McClaren in denial thinning-ginger quiff look. How did millionaire McClaren ever find such an attractive wife?

– the sculpted look as worn by that odd guy Rhydian off X Factor and formerly by Gavin Henson. So much styling mousse, so little personality.

As I review the list now it’s mostly odd or unfortunate men’s hairstyles that seem to grab my attention. I can’t really think of many blokes who are superbly groomed like, say, Cary Grant. Maybe Daniel Craig? Anyway top 10 women’s hair list:

– just for symmetrical neatness Victoria Beckham and her much-emulated blond bob

– Noemie Lenoir (the girl in the M&S underwear ads) who really does make corkscrew hair look great. Apparently she’s Claude Makele’s girlfriend. God knows what he sees in her.

– Grace Jones – the Max Headroom sculpted look. Weird girl

– anything sported by Kylie. More changes then David Beckham though I did like the short wavy style (as also sported by Noemie Lenoir recently)

– Amy Winehouse’s distinctive rats’ nest hairstyle; makes Russell Brand look as groomed as Steve McQueen

– the can’t-believe-they’re-not-real hair extensions sported by Posh, Chantelle, Charlie etc.

– the ‘Marilyn’ style adopted by Vanessa Feltz and Carol Thatcher which, in both cases, just looks like fake blonde rats tails

– the beehive of Bet Lynch. So old-fashioned it came back into vogue with Marge Simpson

– any style sported by Cameron Diaz – she could wear a Bobby Charlton and still look lovely

– Princess Anne’s really ridiculous old maid’s hairstyle which hasn’t changed in 35 years (and it was crap then)

If there are any names and styles you think I’ve missed please shout now crimpers. I’m hardly an expert!




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