I think it must have been the 50 postings during December which has caused a bit of writer’s block for me these last few days. Anyway off we go in 2008 I thought I’d try and get the New Year off to a reflective start with another set of awards; this time for the things I witnessed in the media during 2007 which had an impact on me. For better or worse…
Best TV Programmes:
A tie for first place between the best from America, The Sopranos, featuring the best sound track of all tv progs and the best from the UK, Extras. Ask me to choose an outright winner and I’d say that Extras shades it because great comedy is the hardest thing of all to write/perform well I reckon. Sadly these two great shows have reached their end points. A Sopranos film must be a fair bet down the line I’d guess. What next from Gervais and Merchant? Have they got a 3rd brilliant concept within them? Ummm we’ll see.
Best single TV Moment:
Although it was the most laboured (see what I did there?) and drawn out good-bye in political history, I thought Tony Blair’s farewell performance on 27 June at the despatch box in the Commons was just very poignant. He often showed bad judgement as a PM – look at the Iraq debacle – but I’ve said before some of his achievements were bloody impressive. I don’t think anyone has ever received a standing ovation from all parts of the House to match that. And then the BBC went and pulled the plug prematurely. One of many poor editorial decisions by the BBC over the year.
And so farewell:
I was sad to see the end of BBC’s Grandstand in January 2007 after 48 years showcasing sport on Saturday afternoons. It had formed such an important feature of my young life – after playing football on Saturday mornings for the school, I’d either go and watch Blackpool in the afternoon or if they were away, watch Grandstand. The excitement of watching results come in on the teleprinter was just great. Today’s Final Score’s a pale imitation alas. Once the Beeb lost all their televised sports deals to Sky/C4 the end was inevitable for the programme; they had no sport left to grandstand. But it was quite an institution in its day. And whatever happened to David Coleman?
I wasn’t sad to see the end of Parkinson’s TV chat show/celebrity fawning session as I said in a recent posting. Grisly
Best Radio programme:
Ironically, given my last comment I’ve always enjoyed listening to Parkinson’s 11 -1pm Radio 2 show on Sundays. We’ve spent hours travelling up and down the UK motorways this year usually travelling back to Buckingham and his mix of great music, newspaper reviews, interesting guests and entertainment news was easy listening at its best and made the journey a little more enjoyable. Although his musical tastes favoured classics from the great American song book, he also introduced many new breakthrough acts specialising in cool jazz/swing like Michael Buble, Jamie Cullum which I always enjoyed. His last show was before Xmas and, though it pains me to say it about a call-a-spade-a-f8cking-spade professional yorkshireman, as far as music goes I’ll miss his informed opinion.
Radio presenters who drove me nuts:
Quite a long and painful list of candidates I’m afraid. Firstly, do you remember as a kid listening to Alan Freeman present Pick of the Pops on a Sunday evening and, if you were tuned into radio 2, immediately after the No1 was played you’d hear the refrain to the next programme, f8cking ‘Sing Something Simple’? It was such a frigging come down after Give Me All Your Loving had been belting out. Well I got a similar feeling after listening to Parkinson’s radio show when Elaine Paige would come chirruping on to present her Songs from the Musicals, usually with special guest John media slut Barrowman. Her clucking laugh just drives me to distraction. Check her out if you haven’t already heard the programme. But be careful you don’t feel compelled to swallow your own tongue.
Next presenter to drive me nuts, Alan Green, the football match commentator on radio 5 Live. The second ever posting I did on the blog was about him so I won’t repeat it all. But I will just say that he cannot stop criticising and commenting on everything under the sun other than the football. For a tiny little man who’s never played football in his life he’s got a lot to say. And he’s got a cackle for a laugh.
Next up Gaunty. Representing the views of the squaddie and the cabbie, he jumps on every populist band wagon going, snatching the reins and firing his oh so sharp-shooter into the air like a crazed gun-slinger. It’s entertaining at times if you can ignore the blatant vigilantism, little-Englandism, misogynism and a host of other isms – except criticism, which he simply cannot handle.
Finally the self-proclaimed saviour of radio 1, Chris Moyles. I’ve written enough about my thoughts about him. Prick.
Weirdest TV Programme:
It’s got to be the regression session with strange-talking therapist Andrea Foulkes, which introduced us to ambitious Jules Hudson. Absolute tosh and more than a little wacky, but compelling viewing.
Couples I’ve heard more than enough of:
Chantelle and Ziggy, Kate Moss and Pete Druggy, Amy Housewine and her fella. I think they should swap partners. Amy and Ziggy might be fun, Chantelle and Pete would be a riot. Aw Pete luv all them drugs’ll mek ya rart parly…
Unlikeliest couple of the year:
So Gabriella Irimia what was it that first attracted you to the ‘tripod’ Lembit Opik? Blimey. I can honestly tell you I’ve met them both at some of our hospitality do’s in the past and the coupling of a cheeky girl with Lib Dem spokesman on Housing was not one I saw coming. But it seems to be solid (I could have phrased that better).
Least Funny Guy on TV:
Is it just me or is the long-haired guy on the Friday Night project, Justin Lee Collins, simply unfunny? Maybe it’s his Jethro-esque accent that puts me off or his red-streaked hair (not a good look) or maybe it’s because his oppo Alan Carr does make people laugh.
Least attractive woman on TV:
Jade Goody. Need I say any more?
Most attractive woman on TV:
I know this is a cliche but it’s hard not to find Nigella doing her cooking thing very watchable. I confess a weakness for all that pouting, finger-licking and knowing looks.
Trying too hard to be sexy:
Actress Beverley Callard, playing Liz McDonald gets caught almost in flagrante in her underwear in Coronation St of all places. There’s something wrong about a soap trying to do sex don’t you think? And Bev in her red basque and black stockings hiding on a balcony was like a scene from Carry on Corrie. It’s underwear Jim but not in the least sexy. Had to watch it through my fingers.
Worst live event on TV:
I thought last year’s Cup Final, the first at the new Wembley, was a massive disappointment. But the daddy of all OB disasters had to be the Diana concert. Stuttering Princes, crap intros, that prick from Supertramp, Elton’s tantrums, Lilly’s legs and Ricky, Ricky, Ricky what were you doing? Great unintentional fun all day long. What a tribute.
Although the Sony work was great, and the M&S and Boots Xmas ads were bang on their target audiences, the year belongs to the Gorilla and Cadbury’s and Phil Collins. Just a brilliantly creative piece of work which also worked.
Again I’ve written about these on the blog but there was a weird Orange broadband ad which was a good example of agency creativity let loose to produce something meaningless. But the undisputed crappest ad for me had to be the horror from Helibeds. What were they thinking? Go check out the posting.
Shouldn’t have had that last glass of wine:
Gotta be Britney before she went on stage to perform at the MTV awards. What a mess. Funny though.
The OH MY GOD what were you thinking award:
I very much enjoyed Heather Mills McCartney’s meltdown interview on This Morning. She’s sounds like Jimmy Nail and has about as much sense as his character Oz in Auf WP. Her PR company resigned the next day. Funny that.
Had your 15 minutes of fame:
Virtually all the cast of Big Brother 8 but I’m interested to know, whatever happened to Shanessa?
Toss up between Charley from BB8 and Janet Dickinson from I’m a Celeb. Could you spend more than 10 minutes with either of them?
Tim Lovejoy’s decision to sell-out to C5 and move from the best Saturday morning show of all time Soccer AM to front that pile of crap ‘David Beckham’s football odyssey in America with JJB sports’ or something equally ridiculous. Just an awful rip-off. Then Tim compounds it by doing dopey stuff on the BBC like shadowing Alan Green on 6 0 6. Oh Tim.
Just can’t watch it award:
For me it’s got to be Strictly Come Dancing. I know its popular but heaven knows why. I can’t stand Bruce Forsyth. Sorry. And those pricks on the judges panel are just….words nearly fail me. Arlene who’s there to add a touch of female feistiness and glamour but she looks like an old broiler, the queeny foreign guy and the moody queens form over here all marshalled by the benign old tw*t who looks like Bruce’s greengrocer. Grisly II.
Saddest stuff purporting to be entertainment:
My daughter R loves it but X Factor seems to delight in showing the saddest of the most deluded saddos who turn up for the auditions thinking they’ve got some special singing talent. That poor maths teacher from Wales – how does he ever face going into a classroom again? The fat lass with glasses who just couldn’t sing and brought her dad in to argue her case with shallow Callow. The poor guys with no teeth. Those twins from Ireland who sing at burials. Johnny the pub singer. And it’s all laid on for us to laugh at their desperation. Didn’t like that.
How many screaming queens in one programme?:
Now this is going to look like I’m anti-gay which I’m not but I am noticing a tendency for the BBC especially to camp up its light entertainment programmes to an extraordinary degree. The Dancing programmes are bad enough but the lulu had to be Any Dream Will Do, the search for the guy to play Joseph. Is it just me or was it wall-to-wall camp. The contestants couldn’t get through half an hour without bursting into tears, Graham Norton outdoing Larry Grayson as host, Denise VO doing her gay icon routine, Lord rubber face acting as Queen B and John f*cking Barrowman shouting ‘Your GRRreat!’ at all the contestants like he was Tony the Tiger. Am I being over-reactionary? Just who, is this programme aimed at?
TV Programme Not for men at all:
Loose Women. Great stuff to watch if like me you enjoying reading women’s problem pages in magazines. Denise and the girls demonstrate the art of discussing the menopause, shopping, orgasms, addictions, infidelities and kids’ diarrhoea whilst having a laugh over a glass of wine. It’s another world. I don’t know how they do it but I’m hooked.
They’re talented and successful but they’ll always be tossers to me:
Ant and Dec. Sorry, but I was pissed off with all that cheating phone lines stuff and these guys had several programmes identified as the most corrupt when it came to cheating the viewers. I didn’t like their insincerity over it.
Noel Edmonds. What can I say? His appearance says it all.
That’s all folks. Let me know of any awards you’d personally like to see up there on the list or any you disagree with. So that’s goodnight from me…..(Ronnie Corbett – he’s a tosser too!).