I did a posting about Ian (Poulter; pretty in pink) back in the summer. He wore an outfit that even Katie Price might have been embarrassed to wear, at the Scottish Open, to promote his new clothing range. He spent so much time doing promotional stuff that week he forgot about winning the tournament that was so within his grasp. I have a thing about that kind of footballer’s attitude – I earn £100k a week who gives a sh*t about the frigging FA Cup – that I have to react against it a little. Like they care what I think. It doesn’t matter; I still feel it.
Well things might be going slow on the clothing range front because in the current edition of Golf World (so, let’s not hide it then Ian) Poulter accepts that he ‘hasn’t played to his full potential’ but when that happens ‘it will just be me and Tiger’. Is there something in the male psyche which makes (some of) us think like a lactic gerbil and talk like a geriatric Liberal? Don’t answer that ladies. The accompanying photo-shot showed him the nude, with a club hiding his modesty, sorry wrong word, prick.
Right…. So he’s rubbishing Mickelson, Singh, Els, Harrington, Garcia, Goosen et al as ‘not in his league’. Umm. Of course Ian you’ve won so many titles that the guys on the circuit are going to touch their forelocks and let you play through. For the record Ian I reckon you’ve won as many as 8 events (granted that’s eight more than me) and no majors; whilst Tiger has won 80+ and 13 majors. Yeh it’s really like the contest between Man U and Arsenal, your favourite team, except we all know that compared to Tiger you’re actually about as good as your home time team of Milton Keynes Dons.
I bet those guys on the Tour are really looking forward to joining you in the bar after each event this year. Instead of ‘bruised pink’ maybe your next outfit should be coloured ’19th hole leper’ or ‘complete tosspot’. Just go and win a major first son and then start bossing it because at the moment we all think of you as the gimp who dressed like this:
Tiger must be chewing his tail off in fear.