Well since I’m on a dvd kick at the moment I thought I’d let you know of two movies which are total and utter crap just in case you get invited to watch them. One I watched last night, the other we bought recently at our local supermarket here. It was in the sales offer bin and I now know why. Film one – Beaches- one of my daughter’s favourites. It stars Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey, neither of whom appear to have done anything since.
The plot’s about two young girls who meet on a beach, become pen pals, meet up in later life and maintain a love/hate relationship until one (the pretty one) dies. The not-so-pretty-one sings the Wind Beneath My Wings to her memory. That’s it but they drag it out to 125 very long minutes. There is no more. It’s like the musical version of Terms of Endearment, without the fine acting. Every woman I know seems to like it perhaps because it seems to touch that female buddy button. I understand the sentiment of true friends and all that but having seen it once I can tell you that I’d rather bite through my wrists slowly than endure it again.
Secondly a more macho kind of film starring a fairly decent cast – Steve Martin, Helena Bonham Carter, Kevin Bacon and Laura Dern who cannot rescue a real munter of a movie called Novocaine. He (SM) is a dentist (it’s already lost its appeal eh?) who gets to do HBC in the dentist’s chair but she’s mixed up with a crazy guy (his drifting brother) who’s secretly having a thing with LD his girlfriend. I think it’s meant to be one of those twists within twists kind of plots but it’s total shite. He saves himself by extracting his teeth without novocaine and inserting his brother’s, or something. I cannot tell you how bad it is. If somebody would like to own it please shout and I’ll happily air mail it to you. There’s one bit where Laura Dern, who I don’t really know, tries to look tough as a karate expert or something which is just bizarrely funny and then she turns up to work in an ensemble which consists of royal blue dress, blue shoes and blue tights and she’s a gangly awkward looking girl. She looks like a frigging smurf on growth hormones. It is dire, dire, dire. Steve Martin, was this the beginning of the end or the end of the line? Yes that is a v. big molar he’s threatening somebody with below:-
So, can you top these movies for awfulness? – I doubt it.