mike parry; the mangler

Have you nerticed how Mike Parry, Talksport’s barmy presenter, has a habit of mangling people’s names? He either gets them totally wrong or mispronounces them horribly – especially if they are foreign names. I’ve also noticed that the same affliction affects Sir Bobby Robson. Picture the scene then in the Talksport studio, Mike Porky Parry is conducting an interview with Sir Bobby and they are discussing the key players to watch out for at Euro 2008….

So Sir Bobby, it’s 3 days in to the tournament and who’s impressed you so far? Well Mike the Germans are ruthlessly efficient aren’t they? Last night’s win over Poland was pretty comprehensive. I was particularly impressed with what d’ya call him, Durst Binnmann up front for Germany and the young lad in midfield Flar Potsmann. The Polish side were a little overawed by it all I thought especially that chap Shotta Viski who looked pretty groggy from the start. Yes I agree Sir Bobby but I tell you who did play well although they lost last night to Croatia was Austria. Yes you’re right Mike. They were particularly combative in midfield – that guy Bytes Jarankl was snapping at everyone’s heels. The lad up front Bob Sherankl was very unfortunate not to score too in that second half. And what about the Croatians Bobby, they did out qualify England after all. Yes Mike and deservedly so. Their manager Nastyic has got them playing well. I especially like the look of their midfield with the classy Megaric supported by the moody Livesabic and the snarling Sheezabic. Yep they’re quite a force I reckon and could go far in this tournament.

That’s interesting Sir Bobby, who else do you think may do well from the teams you’ve seen. Well I thought the co-hosts Switzerland were very unlucky the other night. I thought the Swiss Cheezburger was very unfortunate in front of goal and they had a classy goalkeeper in Modelmacher. Good hands that lad. The Czech Republic have a decent side too. He may be reaching veteran stage now but Itsner Liova can still knock ’em in the old onion bag and Mynza Pintowotny is a right handful. And the mean-looking lad at the back Plizdon Buncmicek will worry a lot of fancy-dan strikers I can tell you.

What did you think of the Turks Bobby? Not a lot to be honest Mike. They seem to have gone backwards since doing well at the South Korea/Japan World Cup. Take Forsytas Aga, he’s surely past his best days now as is Wizzerd Osman. Perhaps you’re right Bobby but I like the look of the Portuguese side – they seem to have every chance at this tournament. Yes Mike I agree. Of course they’ve got the world’s best player, Bigi Diaz, playing dazzling stuff at the moment, though maybe he’s a little distracted by all this transfer talk? I also like their little midfield dynamo, Centa Cortez, very much, he’s the heart of the team for me.

Now I haven’t seen the Russian side yet Mike but I’m really looking forward to seeing Ivan Tuginitov and his mate Avinitov on the subs bench. Yes I think we’re all eagerly awaiting that Bobby. And what about some of those teams who have yet to play? Well Mike let’s not forget the Greek side are the defending Champions. I’m not sure they’ll repeat the feat but they have some fine players; Abfaboulos is just marvellous isn’t he and I also like the rastafarian guy Hailie Populous. The only player I don’t think deserves to be in their side is Vatz Ridicoulos – he’s Championship material at best. I think the Romanians will struggle Mike; Zo Zolidscru is a decent centre-half and I’ve always liked Fanciascru. But I think that’s about it in the side. The poor goalkeeper Havantaclu may be in for a torrid time methinks Mike.

So what about the big 3 sides Sir Bobby; Italy, France and Spain. Surely it’s now or never for Spain whilst the other two have to slug it out in the so-called group of death? Yes Mike I think Spain will go further in this tournament then they’ve managed in any major event to date. Torrid up front is such a threat whilst Gama Varos will be sharp as ever. France are probably past their best for me. The centre half, Total Blanc, was a great player but just seems to have lost it to me and Le Fevre just tickled me with his antics in the warm-up match. No I’m very much of the view Mike that World Cup holders Italy will be the team to beat even after losing their inspirational captain Donaforgetami. The lad Biganelli will be a real handful upfront and I’ll be interested to see how Potbelli plays after being unfit for most of the season.

Any outside bets for the winners Sir Bobby. Well The Dutch side have done very little in recent years after the glory days of the 70’s but they play some delightful football and two players really impress me in their side; Transit van Dealer and the sublime Luton van Depot. I nearly signed him for Newcastle you know Mike. Really Sir Booby and how about a long shot bet? Well Mike I’ve got a sneaky feeling that Sweden just might take a few people by surprise. Any team with the irrepresible Helova Maelstrom up front is a real danger. The young boy Galac Seequist has come a long way in recent years. However I am sad but not surprised to see the old warhorse Enger Lund miss this tournament. But he’ll be back no doubt …..maybe

Thank you Sir Bobby that was a smashing interview.

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