football; highs and lows

I thought last night’s match between Italy and Holland at the Euro 2008 Championships was an absolute cracker. Italy are a very fine side (and World Cup holders let’s not forget) but they were made to look ordinary by an inspired Dutch team for whom Sneijder had a fantastic game and scored a lovely flowing goal. All that was good about football was contained in last night’s match. But all the little things that I dislike were evident too and it got me thinking about others…

So things that drive me nuts about the world’s greatest game:

– hairbands. They just don’t look good on men. If the hair’s a problem Buffon then get it cut you big girl.

– tattoos. One or two are alright I guess but Beckham’s sparked this total tattoo mania and players like Materazzi look like they should be in a freak show now. Why do footballer’s feel it essential have Sanskrit on their arms?

– 4 guys lining up to take a free kick when we all know Pirlo or Ronaldo or Beckham or Lampard’s going to take it.

– players claiming for a throw in/corner when it was blatantly their put-out

– players signalling with a thumbs up and a clap of the hands to a midfield colleague who has just sent them a 40 yd attempted pass which sailed miles over their heads. Why do they do that – it was a crap pass?

– also managers who make indecipherable gestures from the bench like the single raised finger on each hand moving one in front of the other, accompanied by loud bellows. Scolari’s always at it. Donadoni resorted to it frequently last night.

– shaking fingers at the lino in a no no no kind of gesture when the player was blatantly offside (a la Joe Cole – prick)

– Real Madrid – a real pain in the arse more like

– the death roll from a mild tackle

– the fact that proper crunching tackling has almost been outlawed; no tackles from behind, no sliding tackles, no two-footed tackles etc. Is this a contact sport or not?

– very bad hairstyles. Pirlo, get it caught man

– opening ceremonies – bizarre and unnecessary (unless the Americans do it) and what’s all that gymnastic stuff before every match? if you’re going to show it focus on the attractive female gymnasts.

– the look of horror and disbelief when receiving a booking for a clumsy foul

– all-green goalie kits; they look like Robin Hood outfits

Any things drive you mad about the beautiful game?


2 thoughts on “football; highs and lows

  1. What about players not celebrating when they score? Like Podolski the other night – either he’s German and celebrates, or he’s Polish and should be playing for them.

    [Note to Tevez – next time you welly in a 30 yarder against the Hammers, spit out your dummy, kiss the badge, point to the name on your back, flash a very thick wad, and give them a stiff arm gesture too. Ask Gary Neville if you’re not sure what’s required.]

    As well as Poles pretending to be Germans (Miroslav Klose and Piotr Trochowski too), let’s also add Brazilians who shouldn’t be playing for any team in the Euros. For example, Deco and Pepe for Portugal, Roger Guerreiro who became Polish last month. This lot makes Jack Charlton’s Ireland look almost Celtic.

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