me, myself and Iamwhatiam

I was just listening to the BBC’s Radio 5 channel this evening on the computer and learned that the band Coldplay had performed an amazing gig outside the BBC’s Wood Lane HQ building tonight. A few thoughts:

– well they would say it was amazing wouldn’t they

– but why did Coldplay do it when Chris Martin had a major fall-out/storm-out in an interview with the broadcaster’s radio 4 channel just the other day (world-wide publicity, stupid!)

– whatever, don’t you wish you had the talent to be able to perform like this?

I have no musical talent whatsoever. I once played the glockenspiel at a primary school carol concert and because I improvised some notes, which in my view improved Mozart’s original work, was banned from ever performing musically again. I was 9 at the time. Since then I have never even picked up an instrument.

So I think to myself well what have you done or can you do which is notable? Well it’s a sobering thought to be honest. As a husband how would I rate? I reckon my wife would say I’m bloody hard work – at times moody, temperamental, self-centred, lacking in compassion, uncommunicative, insensitive, stubborn, trying, unromantic and highly-opinionated. I’m sure there are some good attributes too – I’ve been hard working and a good provider, loving and devoted, and occasionally funny but how would I rate out of 10 overall? Perhaps 7.

As a father? Umm. Not too bad I guess. I was away a lot when the kids were younger. I wish I could have some of that missed time back but of course you never can. My daughters witnessed some unsavoury aspects of my personality but I like to think our girls turned out beautifully. It was largely due to C’s day-to-day input I suspect and occasional flashes of dad’s sense. Score – I’d risk a 7.5 but wish it had been a 10. As a grandad, which is so much easier, I’d claim a presumptive 8.5. It might be the only thing I’m decent at.

As a friend? I think people might say I’m loyal and genuine and, from the blokes, a half decent 5 a-side player (or was). I think they might also say I can (again) be trying, demanding, not very practical and expensive on the hospitality front. If I was such a good mate how come I’m starting to lose some key friends? Makes you think doesn’t it? Score – maybe 7.

As a work colleague? Probably they’d all say quite talented and hard-working but it’s all me, me, me with him. Score 4.

As a boss? Very tricky. I think I’m alright at spotting square and round pegs and putting them in the right holes. I always gave people the chance to show their talents but couldn’t abide doing essential things like annual appraisals etc. I suspect as many people would find me infuriating as found me inspirational; almost certainly more if truth be told. Score – a risky 7

As a son? Absolutely sure my folks are proud to have me as a son but equally certain they find me slightly aloof and distant. A good son but maybe not viewed as devoted (wrongly). Score 6.5

As a brother? Umm. Pretty sure my siblings regard me positively as their eldest bruv but I’ve lived distantly for so long that I must look like an irrelevance in their lives. Score 5.5

So there you go. Honest enough I hope. A mean score of 6.6 suggests I’m a third short of being a totally OK guy. That sounds pretty accurate; basically decent but heavily flawed (and still talentless). Hey I’ll take that.


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