A few days ago I popped down to see our grandkids – my daughter and the boys had picked up a gastric bug and they were all really poorly. Thankfully they are pretty much over it now but last night it came out in me. And when I say ‘came out’ I really mean exploded from me. I’ll spare you the graphic details but when I went to the bathroom for the first time my body weight was close to Chris Moyles’; by the time I’d climbed off the porcelain for the final time this morning I couldn’t have weighed more than Cheryl Cole. I’ve felt absolutely wasted all day, totally drained, legs aching (why on earth is that?). So tonight I was hoping for a little light relief from the BBC’s Comic Relief night. Ummm.
I have to say it’s been abysmal so far. I thought the idea was for the UK’s best comic talent to entertain us with something funny for which we give up our money. Please let me know when the comedy is supposed to start. These things are always the same; pre-recorded pieces of very rich people being very earnest and deeply moved amongst the sick and poor in Africa. Annie Lennox has just done her crying bit. Then the studio bits with really clunky continuity and presenters having to ad-lib a bit (hopelessly) and read out big numbers (with difficulty) as they try and build drama and excitement by screaming and shouting a lot. Davina McCall has just finished her stint, thankfully. And we’ve just had the first David Walliams sketch with Catherine Tate. Puking my guts up was funnier than that. But for total shit we’ve just had the French and Saunders spoof of Mamma Mia. Words cannot describe it’s awfulness.
At least with this fundraiser we don’t have to endure Terry Wogan or a clutch of BBC newscasters doing a song and dance routine. But we do get a lot of Chris Moyles and Gary ‘takes himself seriously’ Barlow and lovely Cheryl and the other girls doing their ‘inspirational’ climb up Kilamanjaro. It was so indescribably tough for them but they did manage it…. incredibly. Mind you they were assisted by 33 support climbers, 2 doctors, 2 runners and just the 100 porters, plus latrines, 500kg of recording equipment, a mobile catering team, mobile editing suite oh and lots of wet wipes for poor Moyles’ little bottom. I wonder how much it all cost? Moreover I wonder who paid for it – Barlow, whose idea it was (unlikely), the BBC? But hey as Chris Moyles was eager to point out they did raised over £1m from Radio 1 listeners so I shouldn’t be churlish – I just wish they’d lay off the pain and anguish stuff a bit and trust that all that money goes to charity rather than paying off the enormous costs of organising the whole event. Umm.
The only bits I’m looking forward to are Ricky Gervais/Stephen Merchant doing their thing and James Corden as ‘Smithy’ lecturing the England football team. If they can’t make me laugh, it’ll be down to CR ‘founding father’ Lenny Henry to save the day …….and he’s about as funny as the gastro-enteritis.
Is it just me?
ps Smithy was brilliant: