brits – it’s quits

Last night was the 30th anniversary of the Brits Awards and I’m pretty sure we’ve seen all of them live, on tv or online. But no more. It’s turned into a catalogue of very strange goings on that I’m no longer in tune with. It’s a bit like watching my own personal freak show knowing that others view it, weirdly, as culturally significant. Pah! I can’t bear to watch it any more. Oh I know this sounds like a grumpy old man speaking about his remoteness from the current music scene (just like our dads used to go on about how ToTP had become degenerate) but it’s actually become my version of American Pie. Yesterday was the day the music awards died.

February definitely made me shiver and here’s what turned me cold and made me think it’s bye bye:

–   I tuned my telly to the melee and the celebs were dire. First off Liam Gallagher. How rock and roll to turn up for the event, walk on stage to collect a major award then toss it into the audience in mock disgust. Oh it’s a statement alright but them good old boys Bonzo Bonham and Keith Moon must have looked down and thought ooh that’s risky and sighed.

–  I admired the jester Peter Kay for calling him a knobhead but watching him MC was just painful. There were some half funny lines but his performance wasn’t good. He just seemed to read his lines as quickly as possible to a live audience who just weren’t listening.  He just hasn’t got the voice that came from you and me to pull it off. Is Ricky Gervais our last great compere? If so it’s sad because we’ve lost him to the American awards circuit.

–  Lily Alan – a girl with a lurid ginger wig (to avoid being noticed apparently) and v strong thighs. So how interesting to see her wearing outfits so short, they’d make Kylie blush.

–  did viewers really really vote the best performance from the last 30 years as the Spice Girl’s snatch of black knickers set?   Ah we met a ginger girl that night who sang the blues. And last night she and the scary yorkshire one were happy to receive the award without a hint of irony.

–  Dizzee Rascal and Jay-Z. Now here I have to profess my  total lack of understanding of what these guys do. Is it singing or ranting? Why as a great female singer would you want one of these gansta rappers to duet your beautifully crafted song and completely ruin it with shouty incoherent backing? i just don’t get it, sorry.

–  Lady Gaga. Two questions; what was that outfit and that first song she performed? She’s a wacky lass alright but that was just a bizarre performance all round. I’ve stopped trying to guess what the point is other than to create photo-headlines.

–  Robby Williams  gets a life-time achievement award at the ripe old age of 36. Yep that’s richly deserved. And he couldn’t deliver a re-union with Take That to make the 30th anniversary something to properly celebrate.

For me there were no angels …born in hell last night.

But if you thought otherwise let me know.



2 thoughts on “brits – it’s quits

  1. Agree totally PP. Second rate viewing and second rate acts all round with a couple of exceptions.. Florence & the Machine fab, but as you rightly say, spoilt totally by that dufus Dizzee Rascal. Truly awful and over-rated. Alicia Keys’ solo was excellent and I didn’t object too much to Jay-Z, but I know he’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

    Bad bits, and there were plenty:-
    Lady Gaga living up to her name – bizarre outfit & song choice. Has about as much charisma as a pair of sweaty undercrackers.
    Liam Gallagher – tosser. Go back to your £4m house in Primrose Hill and laugh at the losers who bought ‘What’s the Story Morning Glory’ which won Oasis the award and gave you the nice lifestyle you enjoy far removed from the Burnage council estate you came from.
    Peter Kay – Plays the ‘Northern’ card a little too often and is looking a bit of a one trick pony away from ‘garlic bread’.
    Robbie Williams – a tad cabaret? Loved it when he turned the microphone to the audience to finish off his lines and no-one did! You could just hear glasses chinking. Agree he wasn’t a great candidate. Neither was Duran Duran last year or year before. Has the Who, George Michael, Led Zep, The Kinks, The Stones, the Police, Shirley Bassey been awarded?
    JLS – two awards? I’m struggling to think beyond two singles from them? Both were crap incidentally. Best breakthrough act? With a mighty lot of help and free publicity from the X Factor.
    Cheryl Cole’s live performance – mimed and fine her for bare-faced copying of Michael and Janet Jackson’s stage acts from the past 20 years.
    Also no mention of Beyonce, Paloma Faith, Delphic or Susan Boyle! And we have to be thankful for small mercies… Peter Andre wasn’t up for an award for ‘Behind Closed Doors’.

    Despite all that, I’ll probably be watching it again next year with the same complaints xx

  2. hi hel

    glad you agree it was rubbish tv. the only potentially good bits were bleeped out. unlike you though hel i’ve had enough. next year it’s a brit-free pp tv line-up. unless the stones get the lifetime achievement award! they bloody need to give keith a gong before he takes a bong too far.



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