Last night was the 30th anniversary of the Brits Awards and I’m pretty sure we’ve seen all of them live, on tv or online. But no more. It’s turned into a catalogue of very strange goings on that I’m no longer in tune with. It’s a bit like watching my own personal freak show knowing that others view it, weirdly, as culturally significant. Pah! I can’t bear to watch it any more. Oh I know this sounds like a grumpy old man speaking about his remoteness from the current music scene (just like our dads used to go on about how ToTP had become degenerate) but it’s actually become my version of American Pie. Yesterday was the day the music awards died.
February definitely made me shiver and here’s what turned me cold and made me think it’s bye bye:
– I tuned my telly to the melee and the celebs were dire. First off Liam Gallagher. How rock and roll to turn up for the event, walk on stage to collect a major award then toss it into the audience in mock disgust. Oh it’s a statement alright but them good old boys Bonzo Bonham and Keith Moon must have looked down and thought ooh that’s risky and sighed.
– I admired the jester Peter Kay for calling him a knobhead but watching him MC was just painful. There were some half funny lines but his performance wasn’t good. He just seemed to read his lines as quickly as possible to a live audience who just weren’t listening. He just hasn’t got the voice that came from you and me to pull it off. Is Ricky Gervais our last great compere? If so it’s sad because we’ve lost him to the American awards circuit.
– Lily Alan – a girl with a lurid ginger wig (to avoid being noticed apparently) and v strong thighs. So how interesting to see her wearing outfits so short, they’d make Kylie blush.
– did viewers really really vote the best performance from the last 30 years as the Spice Girl’s snatch of black knickers set? Ah we met a ginger girl that night who sang the blues. And last night she and the scary yorkshire one were happy to receive the award without a hint of irony.
– Dizzee Rascal and Jay-Z. Now here I have to profess my total lack of understanding of what these guys do. Is it singing or ranting? Why as a great female singer would you want one of these gansta rappers to duet your beautifully crafted song and completely ruin it with shouty incoherent backing? i just don’t get it, sorry.
– Lady Gaga. Two questions; what was that outfit and that first song she performed? She’s a wacky lass alright but that was just a bizarre performance all round. I’ve stopped trying to guess what the point is other than to create photo-headlines.
– Robby Williams gets a life-time achievement award at the ripe old age of 36. Yep that’s richly deserved. And he couldn’t deliver a re-union with Take That to make the 30th anniversary something to properly celebrate.
For me there were no angels …born in hell last night.
But if you thought otherwise let me know.