I’ve become hooked on a daytime programme on one of the Discovery Channels called Wheeler Dealers. It’s a programme about cars. I ceased watching anything on the subject years ago once Top Gears’ Jeremy Clarkson reimagined himself as being as important as Louis XIV. But instead of featuring only the latest supercars, this humble little programme features ‘everyman’ classic cars from the last 20 years which have to be bought and renovated for around a £3000 budget – hopefully for a profit for the likely lads who present it. And they are Mike Brewer, yer archetypal cheeky chappie car dealer who finds, buys and sells the motors, who is more than ably assisted by Ed China, the brilliant and put upon mechanic/engineer whose task it is to renovate the near wrecks every week. If I had a son I’d want him to be Ed; handsome, engaging, funny, determined, insightful and tremendously skilled. I’ve learned more about car mechanics in these last couple of weeks then I’ve known in the last 57 years. I’m also pretty confident now that I could haggle and deal at least as well as Mike but I realise that I shall never, ever know as much as Ed about putting cars right. The guy is a bloody genius and his name is as great as his talent. So where do the turkeys come in I hear you ask?
Well it’s the bloody adverts that surround the programme. If it’s not the incessant trailers for other Discovery programmes – the one for Trawler Wars is particularly painful – it’s the crappy ads for car insurance and online gambling/betting and the like. They are all so dreadful. But two stand out like two fat turkeys in a field of slurry. The first is from jackpotjoy.com an online gaming service which features a re-born Barbara Windsor who having just left the grimness of the Queen Vic in Eastenders has resurfaced as the Queen of online bingo. It’s a bizarre 30 seconds – a sort of cross between Moulin Rouge and Alice in Wonderland but the feature which just burns into my soul is the Babs giggle which appears not once but two or three times in the ad. In fact it acts as an end-piece which as a call to action makes me want to shoot the marketing imbecile who commissioned this piece of utter crap. Have a look at thing below. 1 out of 10 is just too generous….
I see they’ve just introduced a variant on this horror with less of the insane giggle. Instead Queen Babs invites the hunky fellahs to ‘show us yer balls’ – bingo variety of course. Such class.
Turkey II is an ad for something called Car Spotter. It offers a dial-up service where you can check on a car’s legitimacy and performance before buying. It’s found a perfect programme to advertise around but the ads for the service look like they were directed by the 12 year old daughter of the company’s MD. There are several in the series and I cannot find my particular favourite on You Tube to show you here. But if you go to the company’s website at http://www.carspotter.co.uk and choose the 2nd ad down on the left hand side of their homepage, you’ll hit paydirt. Oh I love this ad, I love the colour can I have it?
It’s not like watching Dame Judi Dench is it?
Bet you can’t top these ads for their Crap Factor!