The single article of clothing that I most loved wearing was an old overcoat that I scrounged off my step-grandfather when I was 16. It was a size or two too large but it had this herringbone pattern that I thought was so cool. I wore it with the collar upturned, top button fastened, and the flaps held back by my hands in my jeans pockets. I thought I looked meaner than Clint Eastwood smoking on a stubby cheroot whilst staring down Sergio Leone. With that coat on I imagined I could pull women at least as beautiful as those attracted to the man with no name. I was living away from home at the time and when I returned it swiftly got thrown out by my mum who thought I looked like a tramp. It took me some time to get over it to be honest, after all, I’d lost my coat of many pullers.
So what? you may say. Well I was reminded of it when watching an ad tonight on tv. It’s for Activia pouring yoghourt or something and it features Jamie Theakston. In it he’s wearing a coat which is nothing like the one I wore but it must be a real favourite of his because it looks so ridiculous and no-body with any sense of style would be seen dead wearing it. Maybe after all these years I now know how my mum must have felt at the sight of my wonderful coat. But Jamie’s is truly hideous – way too tight and with a collar that’s been shaved from a manky beaver.
Have a look at this ad and if you’ve seen a more ridiculous outfit please let me know. Oh and talking of ads, have you seen the new Xmas commercial from M&S? It’s very festive and stylish and all that but Peter Kay, you’ve fallen a long way from the comedy podium man. Anyway check out the Theakmeister below or, as I now affectionately know him, the scrote with a coat (and a crap pullover too).
If you need a new coat, see Bob.
He’s still got every Cellnet, o2, BT, Stewart Longton, Black Horse Finance, Enterprise Rent A Car, Aprilia, Phones 4 U, and many other company branded items that any of his future generations have worked at in the wardrobe upstairs.
Most are still in protective wrapping…
Ah you’ve spotted one of life’s great injustices; I supplied countless tacky corporate jackets to the family coat locker (many of which have never seen the light of day since). And yet the one coat I absolutely loved was chucked in the bin for being hobo-friendly. I never mentioned in the posting above that it wasn’t just me who thought the coat cool; all my friends and social contacts at the time were in awe of it and sough to emulate its look – it’s true. However not one of them had a step-grandad who was so cheap that he had kept his ill-fitting WW2 de-mob overcoat in the closet for over 20 years waiting for it to come back into fashion. So none of them could out-herringbone me.
Anyway redemption came lately because I recently bought a similar coat from Boden. It’s quite nice but not the same. For one thing it doesn’t smell slightly musty and, secondly, it was impossible to order a coat two sizes too large for my current frame. But I’m saving it for when my eldest grandson hits 16 and starts getting into clint movies. for a few collars more eh!
To be fair, I have got one of Bob’s old coats that he’s handed down. Not sure if you’ll remember it, but it’s an original Marks and Spencer’s sheepskin. It’s dark brown with an even darker inner fleece lining. It’s got a massive collar that must only be worn turned up.
It’s the warmest, coolest coat I’d ever layed eyes on and I can’t wait until it gets colder so I can wear it this winter.
Imagine a 27 year old John Motson – that’s how I look.
that’s so motty. we should fix a match to go and see and have a coat-off!