One of my favourite ways of passing a spare 5 minutes in my humdrum life is to catch up on the latest sleb news by reviewing the headlines on the weekly celebrity mags when I’m buying my paper. It’s a guilty secret of mine. I love all that ‘Katie and Alex in break -up shock’, ‘Denise falls off the wagon – again!’, ‘Fern shows off her bikini body’ stuff. But I was alarmed to read some recent headlines suggesting that the dopiest pair of slebprats, Kerry Katona and Peter Andre, were ‘becoming’ an item. Umm.
Apparently they’re had lunches together with the kids, the odd date and have a lot in common. Well they are both talentless do-nothings with the former partners from hell. And I could have used far less attractive images of the two doughnuts. In Kerry’s case I struggled to find one which didn’t show her as a porker, fagging it like a fish-wife or off her face. But what do I care – and they about my thoughts?
Well in the last week or so I’ve noticed trailers for Kerry’s new show on ITV2 entitled ‘The Next Chapter”, coming on the back of Peter’s show on ITV2 entitled, yes you’ve guessed it, ‘The Next Chapter’. When Kerry’s show ends Peter’s next project launches on, yes, ITV2 entitled ‘Here to Help’ where ever-eager Pete ‘gives back the love to the British public as he travels around the country in an ice-cream van promoting community values’. You couldn’t make it up. It’s true though.
All this stuff about he and Kerry – who is also coincidentally planning on launching a keep-fit video (no sniggering please) before sliding around in next season’s Dancing on Ice – is just tatty publicity for their next tawdry projects.
Anyway I see that this week’s headlines are all about ‘Pete and Kate’s secret love-trysts’. So I guess Katie’s got something new to promote next week; a potential new husband no doubt. So what’s my beef? Well nothing in all honesty but I’m simply mystified to know two things a) what do these pair of half-wits actually do and b) who is it out there who watches and buys all this z-list crap? Who can be possibly interested in what Kerry bloody Katona’s doing with herself these days now that the former lap-dancer who became a self-confessed non-singing member of Atomic Kitten (selected for her lungs over her voice) and then after several wasted years became the face of Iceland frozen foods? That is until the booze/cocaine/scumbag husband exposures became too much for the High Street brand with more tolerance than St Gullible of Understanding. Well enough folk it seems to justify a whole f***ing television series. I’ll never figure it out.