the ugly coyote of the car world

Now this is going to be interesting. He gets paid a fortune to drive lovely cars and write engagingly for the Sunday Times. Possibly the best job in the UK. Sigh. Millions of people think he’s great, to Noel Edmonds he’s a true hero but I have to agree with the T-shirt….. presumably given to Jeremy Clarkson by his wife, following the reports in this morning’s press of her husband’s affair. Ah Jezza one of those rare beasts – a Yorkshireman with a bigoted opinion on just about everything and an ego the size of Ilkley Moor. A public school bully who never grew up. A man who actually taunts his Top Gear colleagues with nicknames mocking their small stature and more restrained driving style. He’s a charmless cheating chump but I found myself absolutely in agreement with him earlier today.  Surely some mistake?

I dropped C off at work and was heading through Strawberry Hill en route to Sainsbury’s when I caught sight of this truly ugly car in my peripheral vision. It was parked up and I had to do a double take and quick reverse to check what it was. It looked like the Chrysler Crossfire’s big ugly sister who’d been taking all the steroids. But her eyes looked familiar – it had quite recognisable features around the lights. It looked a bit like the front end of a 911. Eh?

Now I’m not a Porsche man to be honest. They are awkwardly handsome things like Karl-Otto Alberty who played the archetypal German tank commander in Kelly’s Heroes. Great performance cars but the Porsche’s not an attractive looking car to me. I’m far from a petrol-head  but given any choice of car I’d plump for something not blood red and Italian but something more classical and quintessentially English, like the Aston Martin or, maybe a beautifully renovated E-type. But I can appreciate the refined lines and engineering brilliance of the Porsche.

So what was this lump I was parked alongside? A quick look round the back confirmed it to be a Porsche Panamera. Never heard of it. But it looked like the bastard child of a cheeky 911 that had been f**ked by  a drunken Cayenne. Have a look:

I came home to do a spot of research on it. This is Porsche’s response to the challenge of developing a family 4-seater 4-door version of the brand. And it’ll cost you anything up to £100k. Donner und blitzen. That’s a lot of money for a very ugly car.  Seriously I think I’d rather have its humbler cousin the VW Passat at a quarter of the price.

I came across the review that Clarkson did on the car. He reckoned it looked like the inside of a monkey and must have been designed by the janitor over at Porsche HQ.  He’s a boorish prick but the fella can describe a car.


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