ITV crap and local update

Well it’s been a few weeks without a posting. I felt compelled to write something…anything having spent the last 15 minutes watching ITV’s latest Sunday night concept programme ‘Off Their Rockers’. Apparently some fu**wit in the commissioning department was convinced that getting OAPs to do Candid Camera type stuff would have us rolling off our sofas with hysterical laughter. I’ve seen more comedy on the World at War.

Sigh. I think it must be the same twonk who earlier plumbed the depths with ‘Splash’ and who delivered this week’s other brand new TV event ‘The British Animal Awards 2013’ honouring, as the ITV publicity puts it,  a new breed of hero. Ahh. Hosted by Paul O’Grady (one of the names on my secret list of tv slebs who I’d have in my very dark Room 101) it almost had me throwing the zapper through the tv screen. Some people, pet owners perhaps, may have found it uplifting but I hate all that Disneyesque way of instilling animals with human traits such as courage and valour. Surely animals just act instinctively not out of a sense of selflessness. It was hideous and the acceptance speeches were pretty ruff too.

How can ITV deliver some really good stuff like the drama series ‘Broadchurch’ and ‘Scott and Bailey’ and then crap like this? It’s hardly a mission to educate is it; to entertain possibly but just who are the people who would find the humiliation of old people amusing? It’s an interesting thought because this is the demographic that ITV delivers for its advertisers. I hate to sound all sniffy like a fat bald Brian Sewell but if you’re a fan of these programmes do please comment and tell me what it is that you enjoy about them because I’m mystified.

Anyway I’m digressing hugely because this posting was really meant as an update on a couple of local matters I’d written about earlier. Firstly you’ll no doubt be delighted to learn that the roadworks outside our apartment were completed several weeks ago and we now have a beautifully-laid, perfectly smooth road surface running along the bottom section of Sandy Lane. Here’s a shot just to prove it:


And 4 weeks later it still hasn’t been dug up. Hurrah. That said we learned yesterday that the Council have passed local legislation to paint yellow lines along this stretch of the road. Now ordinarily I’d be indignant with rage at yet another bit of personal freedom to park being withdrawn but cars parked along this road cause real traffic problems and trying to get out of our side road safely is really difficult when cars are parked around the turning. So that neat black tarmac above will shortly be made over with bright yellow no parking lines to spoil its pristine appearance. Ah well.

Just as a postscript to this section here’s a shot of the road outside now newly-painted with those OI! DON’T PARK HERE yellow lines. It’s cured the parking problems around the corners and prevented the jams but because the flow is now easier, traffic hurtles past at about twice the speed. We’ll be having dedicated speed cameras next…sigh: 


The second bit of local news concerns my pet subject of the sad decline in the retail sector. Regular readers will recall that I’ve been mystified for ages at how two major bed retailers, occupying pretty huge shop spaces, could exist on the same main street. Well one of them, Dreams, gave up the fight recently and the retail space is now empty. See the depressing closed signs below:


It’s not funny but Dreams aren’t even the leading bed specialist along Broad St now. Heaven only knows who will occupy this two floor site in the future. Just a few doors down the dry cleaners, Johnsons, has now closed too:

Image I can see yet another charity shop opening here as if Teddington hasn’t got enough already. One bit of goodish news though is that the chic ladies clothes shop, Boho, that closed on our High St has been replaced by another clothes shop under the Mary Portas scheme. There seems to be some degree of charitable giving involved but hey, it’s better than nothing. Here’s a shot I took passing by on Saturday just as it was about to open – it’s the teal-coloured (get her) place beyond the tanning centre. There were a few ladies who lunch and yummy mummies lurking about in anticipation and I just hope it’s a success:


I happened to pass the place again today, the first full day of trading, and it wasn’t exactly queued around the block but let’s hope Mary ditches the bouncer and switches a few more lights on….


I appreciate this hasn’t been the most thrilling posting but I promise the next one will be a real lulu involving hurt and pain and a shocking new experience for me. Arghh



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