Richard the Absurd


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So I’ve written about Richard Madeley before. He is a strange one isn’t he? He exudes puppy-like energy and eagerness to please and he’s always upbeat which are all likeable enough traits but he opens his mouth and turns into a complete prick. He just can’t stop himself.

This morning he was guesting on Let’s do Lunch with Gino and Mel and plugging his new and first novel called Some Day I’ll Find You. When asked to describe it he said that it was all about a psychopathic Spitfire fighter pilot involved with this young woman with wealthy parents living a glamorous lifestyle on the French Riviera. He immediately offered up the advice that he thought this was the first example of a writer exploring this particular plot line which he suggested might explain why after some sterling plugging by the Richard & Judy Bookclub, was now doing well on the bestsellers list.

Well as plot lines go Richard it does indeed sound unique. In fact it sounds bloody preposterous. It’s what must go on in his little head all the time; dashing yet rakish leading man, exotic locations and a beautiful, yet vulnerable heroine. I fancy it’s Richard imaging what his life would be like without Judy, who appears to be ageing 4 years for every one of his. If only eh Richard?

And here’s something for you for free Richard; a synopsis for your second novel with a storyline that ought to capture your imagination. Let’s title it They All Want the Madelmeister and it’s about this good-lucking dude who’s head of a multinational conglomerate, a brilliant pioneer who had developed the cure for cancer whilst being the front man for a rock band, which was actually a cover for his real mission as a fighter for justice as a revered member of Truth Will Tell – a force of private mercenaries modelled on the SAS.  Nursing an ailing wife kept alive on a ventilator he hides a secret, his magnificent physical manhood which few woman could resist, was kept for the personal pleasurement of just one woman, Diana the Princess of Wales, his utterly discreet amour and the secret love of his life until that underpass claimed her on that fateful night in Paris. Their love had perished and it hit him badly. Despite fame and fortune he’d always be known as a very sad TWT thereafter.

It’s not a bit fanciful and it’s all yours Rick.

pp

ps the basis of the tv programme is that guests, once they’ve plugged their new book/appearance/tour etc, get to cook a meal with Italian-born chef Gino. Yesterday Gino asked Richard, who described himself as a pretty decent chef, if he was any good at cooking Italian meals. ‘Not Italian as such’ said Richard ‘I tend to do hybrid stuff, you know Italian with an English twist’. Before Gino could ask him to explain he gave an example; ‘I like to add a glass of sherry for instance to spaghetti bolognese!’ Gino, shaking his head, for once was lost for words for a few seconds until telling the viewers  ‘It’s red wine you add to bolognese sauce folks’.  ‘Oh yes’ declared Richard ‘ ‘you can add that too’. Grazie Ricardo.

Rick the Prick had struck again.

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