Don’t make me laugh Ray

ray davies 1

Last week-end our very good friends L & S came to stay and I had a quick browse through L’s paper of choice the Mail on Sunday. I came across an interesting feature in the Event section about how some of Britain’s biggest music stars wrote their signature hits. In other words what was their method of composing and their inspiration?   Later the same evening I watched a programme on BBC 4 about the most valuable songs of all time which asked a similar question. One illuminating fact shone out for me.

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By Royal Disappointment

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Now have you ever met any members of the Royal family? Regular readers will be aware that I’m not exactly the most ardent fan yet somehow I’ve ended up meeting a few of the ones in this balcony scene over the years and the experience has always been, well, joyless. They are a bloody miserable bunch.

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You can take the girl out of Newcastle but…

Well it seems to me that call centres and tv advertisers have embraced regional accents almost completely these days. Listening to Sean Bean as the voice of O2 (or is it Or Ter Sean?) and that maddening bloke on the Go Compare ads with his S Wales accent and you’d be forgiven for thinking that it’s no longer possible to market anything with good old Received Pronunciation, except perhaps Crabbies ginger beer. So it was with a smile this morning that I read the article in the i newspaper by editor Simon Kelner, gently chiding TV presenter Donna Air for deliberately softening her native Geordie accent for something a little plummier, now that she is going out with the Duchess of Cambridge’s brother and mixing with an altogether posher set. Whey aye pet. Now you may not be too surprised to learn that Simon is a northerner himself, as indeed am I. Having spent over 40 years living down south I am aware that my accent has gently softened a touch in that time, so I’ll resist the temptation to join the chorus mocking poor Donna for betraying her roots and all that nonsense. Anyway I hope you enjoy Simon’s piece… 

Poor Donna Air. The TV presenter (I know this is her job, because I’ve read it: I have obviously never seen her present anything on television) has been widely ridiculed for shedding her Geordie accent in favour of something resembling Received Pronunciation.

You can take the girl out of Newcastle, but heaven help her if she seeks to sound a little less like Jimmy Nail. She is currently stepping out with the Duchess of Cambridge’s brother, and has felt that, in order to fit in with the posh set with whom she’s now socialising, she needed to soften her regional accent. This is not a story of our times: there is a lineage stretching all the way back to Eliza Doolittle, which illustrates how, in this class-ridden country, the way we speak is indicative of breeding, style and even intelligence.

Only last month, the BBC business journalist Stephanie McGovern, who comes from Middlesbrough, said that her strong northern accent is the subject of disparaging comments from viewers. “Despite being a business journalist at the BBC for 10 years,” she said, “I was viewed by some in the organisation as being too common for telly.” She said that she received letters questioning whether she’d been to university, or suggesting she takes elocution lessons.

Even in these enlightened, politically correct times, there are still pockets of prejudice when it comes to accents. The rent-a-quote numpty Katie Hopkins, who was once on The Apprentice, was given plenty of airtime with her assertion that “if you have a northern accent, you sound more stupid”. I have news for you, Ms Hopkins. You couldn’t sound more dumb if you were from the Planet Dumb, watching Dumb and Dumber, while lifting a set of dumb bells. She went on to be more specific, singling out the Liverpool and Newcastle accents as particularly egregious examples of the country’s dialectic diversity. “For some people regional accents are difficult to understand,” she opined. “This is a London-centric country. The London accent is the best reflection of that.”

A ludicrous observation, of course, but even so, you can understand why Ms Air got out her old DVD of My Fair Lady, and decided that “alreet, pet” might not be considered the most appropriate form of greeting with the Middletons. We are all adept at modifying our behaviour to suit our social environment – the late columnist Lynda Lee-Potter said that she lost her northern accent the moment she got off the train at Euston – but it strikes me as bizarre and depressing that we still feel it necessary to disguise our linguistic birthright.

As a northerner myself, I may be sensitive to the accusation that my accent says something about me. But there is another, more positive, way of looking at it. I have just spent a couple of days up north, in the course of which I had to see a car mechanic. He spoke with a broad Wakefield accent. Immediately, I felt I could trust him. He sounded warm, genuine, down-to-earth and honest. Those are the values I pick up when I hear a northern accent. So be careful, Donna, that you don’t lose that in the battle to be accepted in what’s considered polite society.

If you’ve got any thoughts on the impact of accents in today’s world then do please shout!

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football transfer sagas – it’s getting very boring

transfer_news_and_rumours_paWell it’s exactly 3 months since David Moyes was announced as the new Man Utd manager and in all that time he’s managed not to buy Cesc Fabregas, not done anything about Rooney and the very latest news is that he might be going back to Everton to buy Fellaini and Baines. I mean what exactly has changed in 12 bloody weeks? But it’s not just at Old Trafford that things seem to be moving at glacial pace. Has anything truly significant happened  with the transfers of Luis Suarez to Arsenal, David Luiz to Barcelona, and the most drawn out of of them all, Gareth Bales’ move to Real Madrid? The answer is no, even though they are all almost certain to happen and it’s getting bloody boring. I don’t know why it takes so long to resolve a purchase, because that’s all it is.  But I think I’ve got the answer.

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daytime tv

Well normal service has been resumed dear readers. I was chatting to my brother about the fact that we’d both had cause to watch rather a lot of daytime tv recently (I’m still doing!) and he suggested it would make a good topic for a posting. I considered doing a critical look at the grim state of one or two of the daytime programmes but decided against it on the grounds that there’s just too much choice. So instead I’ve decided to do something completely different – a pp phrase book of some new words coined by the popularity of afternoon telly and a few of its more well-known presenters. Please feel free to add to the list.

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