Well it’s been a while since my last posting here because I’ve had a few medical issues of late though all’s good now thankfully. Regular readers may know that due to my surgery and ongoing treatment I’ve had to cease my consultancy stuff and have set up a writing service, called It’s Write for You, aimed at local businesses and individuals who require some help with things like website content, CVs, speeches etc. After several months getting it established I’m at last starting to pick up clients nicely. One of the things that people say they like is my website at http://www.itswriteforyou.co.uk and a key feature on there is a blog section, which tends to get more regularly updated than Pasta Paulie. So there’s always a chance of picking up new postings on there, if you were interested, though to be honest the postings are more locally focused and less irreverent as it’s a business site after all. So maybe not the place for biting rants and criticsm.
Anyway that’s all very interesting (actually it’s not) so back to this posting’s theme which is about getting old. Now I could prattle on about my own experience of having a great party to celebrate turning 60 whilst still feeling in my 40’s then hitting a bloody brick wall. I don’t remember reading about the getting old stuff on the turning 60 tin but I guess it comes with the territory. But this is more about other people’s ageing and I’m returning to an occasional theme of mine; the BBC’s apparent obsession with old men. Two wrinkly old gits in particular are in my cross-hairs again; the Peter Pan of Pop Sir Cliff Richard and the Peter Perfect of Saturday night entertainment, Sir Bruce Forsyth or Dames Fringe and LacksIt as I prefer to call them.
First up Sir Cliff who appeared on the BBC Breakfast programme last week to tell us about the release of his 100th album (which he modestly claimed would have been loved by the late Princess Diana) and his enduring appeal. The ageing rocker hit out at those who claim he has started losing his edge as he has got older. Self-deprecating as ever, the singer said: ‘I am cool because I am still successful, after all this year One Direction still have to compete with me.’ He also claimed to be the leading calendar pin-up although maintaining his status as the no 1 hunk was an ever-present challenge. He added ‘Someone has to take over, it has become a pressure now for me after all these years constantly being number one with the calendar, and I may well be number one next year I don’t know.’
How he tears himself away from the mirror in the morning I’ll never know. But the reality is that no-one was listening to his conceitedness because everyone was gawping and tweeting about his latest style accessories to help him fend off Harry Styles in the fantasy hunk stakes; a newly-sported wig which looked like it was one of Terry Wogan’s cast-offs from the 90’s and a hideous shirt and grandad jumper combo. Easy girls. He looks like an iguana that fell in the dressing up box. If you think I’m being unfair to the bachelor boy who makes Jack McFarland seem as butch as George Clooney, then check him out below….
Cool? Well he acts like he’s packing his very own cucumber. And I don’t mean holstered. I think Cliff you’re old enough now to stop all the pretence and denials and just act your bloody age man. Imaging you are as fanciable and relevant as One Direction is just hideous vanity. Just go and pick your grapes in Portugal.
Next up it’s bloody Brucie. Nice to see you…er no it isn’t. It’s just too embarrassing now watching him trying to read his autocue or his crib cards and failing. That’s when he bothers to turn up to SCD of course. A couple of weeks ago he refered to judge Darcey Bussell as ‘Dave’. He blamed his crib cards of course but the fact is he no longer appears capable of thinking on his feet and realising that delightful Darcey is a woman and not a plumber. I watched the show for about 10 minutes on Saturday and this time he fu**ed up his opening lines quite spectacularly. After Tess Daly said the performers would have to ‘dance their little hearts out’ to progress on the show, the old goat stumbled his way through ‘They are dancing for our judges’ points and for your votes at home. They will. They will need plenty of…’ Who knows what? Rather than blurt out some words, any words, he just sort of started dribbling like a baby. Then gathering what little composure he could muster he went on: ‘Did I say that?’ Amid audience laughter and teasing from the judges, he said: ‘Did anybody hear it?’ Other than the production team, BBC management and the record 10 million viewers? No Bruce I think you might have got away with it. Again. I can’t find it on youtube anywhere to show you sadly. But if you didn’t see it you’ll just have to believe me when I say he looked like a gibbering loon. And he’s getting well over £1m of licence payers’ money to present the show.
Surely the time has come to pack the sour-boned 85 year old off to his estate in Puerto Rico hasn’t it? There’s old and the there’s Forsyth-aged. Hey Brucie what day is it?
Come on BBC do the decent thing and put him and us out of this ongoing misery and while you’re at it shed all the old wiggos. It’s time to cull the syrups.