Well I’d nearly had enough of the festive tv fare. If I see another bloody charity advert imploring me to dig deep IMMEDIATELY! for homeless children in Syria or Ebola victims in West Africa or starving people in the Sudan or tortured bear cubs in Turkey or homeless dogs in the home counties, I think I’ll scream. I know it’s a well-trodden path to hit on people’s emotions when they’re feeling festively jolly and presumably in a generously-spirited mood. But boy can you get mean-spirted quickly, even with such deserving causes, when your senses are assaulted by all that misery. Sorry if I sound all curmudgeonly but I never respond to these ads anyway and they just antagonise me to the causes, which is counter-productive isn’t it?
I’ve just been catching up with C4’s Big Fat Quiz of the Year. There’s nothing on the box worth watching at the moment. I’m not a very big fat fan of the show nor Jimmy Carr to be honest but I do find David Mitchell droll (and he’s married to Victoria Coren so respect, man) and Richard Ayoade is nicely dry. Kevin Bridges, Mickey Flanagan and Sarah Millican can be fun too (though Mickey Flanagan outside of his stage shows is nowhere near as funny as he likes to think he is). But what on earth was Mel B, or whatever her name is, doing on the show? She’s not just unfunny, she is incredibly sour and angry at everything. There’s just no humour or light-side in the woman and that Yerksher accent is just ser grating. She must be a nightmare to live with, which is presumably why every relationship she’s been in usually ends with the fella scuttling away rapidly after some dramatic falling out. Or Escape from old Coldtitz as I prefer to call her relationship conclusions. Continue reading
Now most folks who’ve read this blog from time to time will know I’m a big fan of wine. It’s the only vice I’m prepared to admit to, outside of my oncologist’s consulting room. And the wine I like and drink mostly is sauvignon blanc, taken with lots of ice. I get looks of incredulity from sommeliers and bar staff alike when I ask for it but I simply do not care. It’s what I like. Continue reading
Autumn is well and truly over and thankfully that means the reality tv blockbusters have all crowned their various champions at last and are over for another season. Yee hah. But that means it’s the Xmas schedules on the telly now and one of the things about having a wife and 3 daughters and 3 grandchildren is that you get to watch a lot of stuff over the festive period which can be as much fun as anal warts.
Well I was amused, nay inspired, by a recent posting by JM quoting a former US President…
Ha! And I thought wouldn’t it be fun to do a few spoof quotes on my business website, http://www.itswriteforyou.co.uk, where I have a section on Words of the Day, which has fallen into some disrepair. I’d intended to post an inspirational quote from somebody every day but I’ve become disillusioned by today’s media obsession with fatuous twitter quotes from vacuous c-list celebrities. It seems like nobody’s said anything meaningful since Mandela in his prime. So why not be creative with a few quotes then?
Well a short posting just to say how much we’ve enjoyed, maybe that’s not the right word as it’s been so bleak, so perhaps I should say… been gripped by the series The Missing which concluded last night. For those who haven’t yet seen it, it’s about a family whose young child disappears whilst on a family holiday in France. The programme follows the parents’ attempts, assisted by the local authorities, to find out what happened to him over the years as their marriage deteriorates and they encounter a host of unsavoury characters.
Oh it’s Xmas time and you can tell because the pretentious perfume ads are on every ad break and they’re driving me nuts. There’s a real lulu from Dolce & Gabbana directed by Martin Scorcese – Martin frigging Scorcese !! – featuring Scarlett Johansson who has the allure to really move me but all she does in this bit of expensive nonsense is move my stomach. It and she are truly dreadful.
But my award this year for the olfactory bag of broken spanners goes to Chanel No 5 for their ad featuring Gisele Bundchen on the grounds, I guess, that employing the most beautiful model in the world will turn even the most overblown ad into a work of art. Wrong. Here’s the plot – miserable-looking bloke stares out of a window of a wonderful Malibu beach house whilst some equally sad-sounding sod sings the words of one of the most joyous of songs, ‘You’re The One That I Want’ as a sad lament…
….you better understand
To my heart I must be true
Nothing left, nothing left for me to do….
You see he’s looking on as his woman, Gisele, is off in the ocean surfing. She’s always frigging surfing. And he’s left at home looking after her brat of a kid who she had after some sordid fling with a celebrity photographer. If that’s not bad enough but as soon as she’s stripped off her gear to reveal her incredible figure, she’s off modelling. Where does he fit in eh? He’s very low down on her list of priorities. So, touched by the poignant words of the highly emotional song from the classic voices of Olivia Newtown-John and John Travolta, he leaves her a slightly cryptic note basically saying he’s frigging had enough of being treated like a plaything and is off to watch his special friend the soulful male singer doing his cabaret stuff. He at least knows how to treat a man in a cool sky blue suit. Bitch.
Gisele is distraught. What’s happened to her incredible lover, thingy…. She spots the letter and figures out from his subtle clues that he’s about to go and get jiggy with singer Ziggy. So off she drives in her open top sports car and before you can say ‘Coco would be turning in her grave’ she’s crossing the bridge into Manhattan and turns up at the theatre just in time to prevent thingy from gettin’ it on with Ziggy the biggy. She thrusts her tongue down thingy’s throat and they live happily ever after…well until next Xmas.
I nearly cried when I watched the ad. But I went and read some electricity bills and managed to recover. If you want to dig deep within and find yourself emoted enough to want to go and buy some Chanel No5 you’ll enjoy this…