Quote unquote


Well I was amused, nay inspired, by a recent posting by JM quoting a former US President…

A Lincoln

Ha! And I thought wouldn’t it be fun to do a few spoof quotes on my business website, http://www.itswriteforyou.co.uk, where I have a section on Words of the Day, which has fallen into some disrepair. I’d intended to post an inspirational quote from somebody every day but I’ve become disillusioned by today’s media obsession with fatuous twitter quotes from vacuous c-list celebrities. It seems like nobody’s said anything meaningful since Mandela in his prime. So why not be creative with a few quotes then?

So I thought I’d try a few lines before adding some quotes to the website eg…

“My husband’s everything to me, I adore him and he’s just the most gentle and tender guy who I trust to look after me until we get old and grey”…..Mel B.

“The thing I love about having Mel on the X Factor judging panel is her refinement and insightful commentary based on her deep understanding of the classic operatic singers. And her voice is so nightingale sweet she makes Darcey Bussell sound like Pat Butcher”…Simon Cowell

“I’ve been pumping iron and getting in serious trim to take part in the annual Lumberjack Wood Cutting competition because I feel that it’ll be my year in 2015 to get hold of The Big Chopper”….Alan Carr

“I like to think that it was the instantly memorable music, poignant lyrics and the tightness of our brotherly bond that made us successful but the reality is that it was the interesting hairstyles we all sported that really drove the women wild”…Barry Gibb

“The future of our continent will be guided by the principles of strength through international co-operation and union; free trade  and the movement of labour across artificial national boundaries; religious, racial and sexual tolerance; gender equality and a spirit of fraternity across all peoples’….Nigel Farage

“It’s a fact that looks and appearance matter in politics these days and thankfully I’m blessed with a rugged handsomeness that makes the electorate say, yes, he’s a vote winner!”….Ed Miliband

“I’ve always thought that Arthur Scargill was kinda cute with those come-to-bed eyes and sexy little smile”… Margaret  Thatcher

“My style is very eclectic; I love the feel of silk underwear and chiffon tops. Give me a bit of faux fur and some glitter make-up and I’m the happiest little boy in Hoxton”… Sir Henry Cooper

“What do you want to know about me? I’m your typical wholesome girl next door; so innocent, dull and naive I make Doris Day look like Catherine the Great”… Madonna

“I drive a G-Wiz because it is powered entirely by electricity; it is small, nippy and great fun to drive. It is capable of up to 50mph with a range of up to 48miles, making it ideal for eco-friendly urban and suburban driving. With free road tax, low insurance, free parking and no congestion charging in London, the G-Wiz makes good financial sense too. And driving it makes me feel responsible; it’s a small contribution but helping to save the planet is so important  don’t you think?”…. Jeremy Clarkson, of course

Feel free to quote some better examples back folks.

pp

ps some late arrivals at the misquote ball…

“I’d like to accept this United Nations Humanitarian Award as an individual but in reality it is a tribute to all the wonderful, conscientious and dedicated people in my organisation in recognition of the incredibly selfless work they perform taking the world’s most beautiful and watched sport to all the peoples on this planet and using it as a beacon of honesty, integrity, hope, achievement and purity of spirit. Thank you” …Sepp Blatter or even Bernie Ecclestone!

“One would like to say how important it is to not get involved nor pass comment on matters beyond the family business. I remain incredibly patient and supportive of HM and, although I am now significantly past normal retirement age, have no desire to see mama stand down in favour of me taking over the reins…although taking over the reign would be nice! Badum-tish, thank you I’m here all week. In fact I’m here until she finally frigging pegs it. Sigh.”…HRH Prince Charles

“Yers, I clearly saw what happened and, quite frankly, my player certainly deserved to get red-carded”…Arsene Wenger, Manager Arsenal FC

“My choice is the commanding iPhone 6 Plus, loyal brother to the iP 6 and successor to the iPhone 5, proud cousin to the iP5 C and I will not have the Samsung Galaxy Note 4 under this contract or the next” … Maximus Decimus Meridius, Gladiator

“I’m sorry I haven’t a clue”…Stephen Fry

“I look good, dress coolly and sound smart. I am tactically peerless and a master of manipulating the media. Why do I say this? Because I am the specious one”… Jose Mourinho

“Look let’s be honest I’ve earned a fortune on tv by being hopeless as a comic, pretending I can sing and dance, being able to do just one impersonation, of Sammy Davis Jr who nobody under the age of 40 has heard of, and basically become a national treasure by just employing a series of catch phrases. And I sport the worst wig in show business. I seriously considered declining my knighthood but I figured if Fred Goodwin and Jimmy Saville can have one, then well why the hell not?…Sir Eamonn Holmes

 

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3 thoughts on “Quote unquote

  1. Brilliant Paul, a great posting. Reminds me of a meeting I had with a potential supplier in the Sheraton Hotel, Edinburgh, 25 years ago. My marketing colleagues had a “shop” window in the telephone exchange in Galashiels and needed to dress it. I had used Pete a couple of times when doing events for the chairman. Although born in Scotland he was brought up in the Bronx district of NY before his parents returned to Scotland feeing he might get called up for Vietnam. Anyway 9.30 was way too early as I was greeted with, “f..k Alan I’ve not been up this early since Woodstock.” There’s always a few real ones like that which linger with you forever. Regards.

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