People who hail from Buttcrack Fullerfurze

It’s an odd title for a posting I grant you but I promise you it’s a real place. In my imagination. A place where annoying tv people with big egos, scant GCSE’s, weird personalities, a misguided sense of their sexual appeal (and occasionally hazy sexuality) and a strange style sense all live.

It’s not the same place, of course, as Douchebag-0n-Wipe where the residents are full-on creeps like Stuart Hall or kn*bheads of the order of Jeremy Clarkson. But it’s a near location full of other slightly lesser odd folk who are increasingly populating this little enclave in my mind; people like Richard Madeley, Giles Brandreth, Sir Cliff Richard (he’s on the cusp of moving to DoW), Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh, Rylan Clark, Robbie Savage, Richard Arnold, Paul Hollywood, Noel (little Noely) Edmonds and Andi Peters, who almost certainly will sign his name with a smiley face over the i.

But I’d like to introduce you to the latest guys who have moved into BF because they both sport better hair than is usual for men of their age (envious moi?) but primarily because they wear strange leather things around their necks, which were cool in the 70’s but only if you were aged 18-24. Ladeez and gennulmn, please welcome to the neighbourhood… Richard Hammond from Top Gear and Patrick Mower from Emmerdale….



This is what happens when pretty boys hit middle age, or in Patrick’s case, start to say tarrah to it. It’s all there isn’t it? Vanity, desperation, delusion. Bye bye cool….



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