Well the handcuffs are out of the box and it can’t be long before they are slipped around the fat chubby wrists of Sepp Blatter. The FBI are already out for him and his corrupt trough-snuffling cronies but it was his native Swiss authorities who turned up at his office on Friday to seize evidence from his plush Zurich office and announced later that he was being investigated for ‘criminal mismanagement’ and ‘misappropriation’ of funds. At bloody last.
Specifically they are looking at his sale of TV rights for the World Cup to that snake Jack Warner at a seriously undervalued price (allowing Warner to pocket a profit of over £10m). Everyone knows Warner is about as hooky as they get at FIFA HQ, heading up their Concacaf laundering operation. But the surprise announcement was the news that Blatter had been questionned closely about his dodgy payment of €2m to EUFA chief Michel Platini for ‘advice’. And the odd thing was that the payment was delayed by 9 years before Platini took it. Now why would you do that? Because it’s frigging dodgy. So the stench will now stick to the former France midfield general too. Good. He voted for Qatar so he deserves to go down with the rest of the greedy rats.
But there was one glimmer of light for the troubled Blatter in all these murky proceedings which I’m sure he’ll find ever so comforting. It seems his ex-wife Graziella Bianca, who he was married to for a year, insists he is innocent and has vowed to stand by him. Though cheated upon, third wife Graziella said: “I believe in Sepp’s innocence and I’ll always be there to support him, in good times and bad times.’ Ahh. Here’s a shot of the loving couple in happier times…
And this support could be crucial backing for poor old Sepp after all she is a dolphin trainer and alternative therapist, who was a good friend of his daughter (nice) and who fell head over heels for him when he told her he was looking for some stress-relief. After that silver-tongued opener Graziella admitted that ‘We began a loving relationship.’ And who could resist the charms of the 5’3″ tall lothario and homophobe worth an estimated £10m? It wasn’t to last however and Blatter was on his way with the marriage annulled less than a year later. Asked if the marriage was a mistake, Blatter denied it but gallantly added that it might have been inevitable because after all ‘I am a man who likes the ladies.’
Well if I was you Sepp I’d get as much stress relief sorted out with the ladeez whilst you can because you won’t be getting much in Zurich’s municipal prison. Mind you knowing old Blatter it won’t be long before he’ll have the guards delivering current girlfriend Linda Barrass, 28 years his junior, to his cell in return for some first class tickets to Qatar and some bulging brown envelopes. He’ll be head of FIFA (Federal Incarceration’s Fuc*ing Alright!) again before long.