So this morning I was watching something on C4, probably Frasier, when at the end of the programme the continuity announcer informed us that later this evening is the start of a super new series (note, not a one-off but a whole f**king series) about the life of cake maker Paul Hollywood. My ears started bleeding.
I’d rather eat toe nails than watch this preening narcissist. What life? Let me summarise – PH: raised in Liverpool, left school, started baking, joined Bake Off, got famous, had affairs, split with wife, got together again, had more affairs, split with wife. And that brings you bang up to date given the headlines in the red tops this morning. How do you spread that over half a dozen programmes? Beats me. And he’s not a baker; he’s a frigging cake maker. It’s not a job for a real man. I’ve worked in bakeries manning industrial-sized ovens single-handedly on 12 hour night shifts. That was baking. What Hollywood does is snipe and criticise because no-one can produce fairy cakes as well as he does. He’s the sponge and sugar arts equivalent of Craig Revell Horwood. And I bet they spend equal amounts of time getting their faces prepared.
But on a broadcasting level I think this just demonstrates the difference between cost and price. C4 captured The Great Britsh Bake Off from under the noses of the BBC. None of the highly popular female presenters of the show, Mary Berry, Mel Giedroyc or Sue Perkins, was prepared to leave the BBC so C4 had to stump up to secure the services of preening Paul. The cost was pretty heavy because as well as an eye-watering salary, it is now clear that it also included a promise to serialise the amazing life of the silver-haired Hollywood hottie. And the price to be paid is that we the viewers and fans of C4, have to endure his overly primped face and features all over our screens for weeks on end. What you think his look is all natural? Hah ha ha, oh yeh….
I shalln’t be watching