Hidden meanings


 

 

I’ve mentioned Drew Pritchard before. He’s TV’s Salvage Hunter – a dealer who finds items in country houses, old factories, antique stores etc, then renovates them where necessary and sells them on for a profit. He is extremely good at his job, knowledgeable, has a fantastic eye and claims to be a great negotiator. And he’s a first rate twathead. He’s a complete self-regarder, full of his own self-worth and ability and annoyingly condescending to anyone and everyone beneath his station in life as head of a major trading conglomerate. Or successful rag and bone man. If you were looking for the definition of a diminutive Welsh businessman full of his own self-importance, then Drew’s your little boyo.

But I love the show’s little peccadillos. And nothing pleased me more than when I found out that his oddly cool little meetings with his ‘wife’ Rebecca upon returning to the Conway HQ after his scouting/buying trips were because they aren’t married anymore. He clearly loves his little doggie Enzo more than his life partner, slobbering kisses on the pooch but never touches the mother of his children affectionately. It’s as cool a relationship as that between the UK’s US Ambassador and that bloke in the White House. And we know the reason why…turns out Drew’s been knob hounding around his local town for years, getting into scraps with cuckolded husbands and causing so much embarrassment that devoted wife Rebecca divorced him ages ago.  But for the TV cameras she’s still there as the devoted ‘partner’ when he arrives back (let’s face it it’s a v decent business and why should she walk away from her share in it eh girls) but for the sake of the show, she’s encouraged to say something fulsome and complimentary about her former love interest and still current business partner Drew and his trading skills. Even though her face can’t tell a lie…

But as the title of this piece suggests, I absolutely love everything that Rebecca says because I know it’s a beautifully coded language that only spurned women and me, as a cypher of feminine thinking, understand. So when he’s brought back a Howard sofa which he got for a steal but which needs a lot of restoration, Rebecca’s reaction tends to be…

‘Drew’s done what he does best; he’s found an old couch that’s been stuffed so frequently it’s lost all its integrity. It’s body shape is just a mess; it’s got a hideously drooping seat, I’m sure its top cushions are completely fake and exaggerated (though Drew likes them quite plumpy), and overall it’s a bit cheap looking but Drew can obviously see some value in this old daybed.’

Love it. Then when he brings home an Evertaut 1950’s machinist’s stool…

‘Oh Drew has done brilliantly today; he’s found an old favourite of his; something very basic and quite working class. It’s from an old factory and is now redundant. It looks very solid yet still swivels when Drew gets his hands around the seat. He just loves it when the screw still works, even if it’s a bit squeaky. The seat’s heavily smeared with all sorts of fluid stains but Drew likes that natural patina.’

Then when he brings home a farmhouse table…

‘So today Drew has excelled himself with this old school refectory table. It’s not my favourite because its got terrible legs and whilst it’s got a flattish top (not his favourite) there are so many marks, dints and burns on it, it looks like Drew will be scrubbing away at this one for quite some time.’

Then a mid-century larder unit…

‘I think this piece is very Drew; it’s a least 50 years old but still serviceable with a fair bit of life left in the old girl. It’s been doing its stuff in the corner of some old kitchen for years now and in an effort to keep up appearances she’s heavily glossed over. But once Drew gets her in the workshop and gets her stripped down, he’ll get that old unit in banging condition again’.

Finally when he opens up the back of the van and there stands a 150 year old garden statue of the Greek goddess Aphrodite. Rebecca’s response was…

‘Oh what can I say about Drew’s pick today – you’ll never know how often he’s called me from some country house to say he’s desperate to bring home the goddess of love and pleasure but I’ve always laughed and thought it beyond him. Then today he arrives home with Aphrodite, who looks divine and I think oh, he actually meant it statue-wise. Ahhh. She looks beautiful and being inanimate she’s probably the only woman Drew hasn’t hit on since he opened the van doors.’

What a great programme. No hidden meaning there.

pp

 

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About Paul

Having decided on a change of life by moving home from the UK to Italy, this is the story and thoughts of a man on a personal journey from the Blackpool Tower to the Leaning Tower of Pisa, in search of la dolce vita. After several olive harvests he's now back in London but en route he shares his very personal perspectives on life.

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