Who wants smelly nuts?


So a few weeks ago I had my annual review with my local GP where I go for a blood test (no horror stories this time) and they check all my levels etc. He called me up – it’s always a phone consultation these days –  and we discussed the results. The only thing he had an issue with was that my blood sugar levels were higher than he would have liked so we agreed I could lose some weight to counter a possible drift towards diabetes. I readily agreed that I would cut out red meat consumption (it doesn’t do my digestive system – or what’s left of it – much good anyway) plus cutting out as many carbs as possible. It actually has been ok though looking at my tummy I’m not sure I’ve lost too much weight as yet. The said my wedding ring’s started to slip off when I wash my hands so I’m shedding fat from my fingers. Well that’s a huge relief.

Anyway here’s the thing I work from home for a few clients and every hour or so I get up from the desk/computer for a short break and head to the kitchen cupboards for a snack. I’ve stopped nibbling on crisps, crackers, chocolates etc and instead I just get some unsalted nut assortments from M&S to graze on.  I figure it’s about as healthy a snack as I can have. We never have problems sourcing nice packets but today Carol had difficulty getting our regular packets so she got me this one….

I don’t know if you can see the copy but it’s a truffle nut selection, a decadent gathering of macron almonds infused with truffle oil. Nuts and truffle oil? I can hear myself emulating Peter Kay’s famed ‘garlic and bread’ anecdote. But I have to tell you I have never come across this almonds and truffle combo before and bear in mind we had chestnut celebrations and all sorts of wacky culinary stuff out in Italy.

So what are they like you’re probably asking? They’re fucking awful. I’m used to truffle oil infusing vegetables and meat dishes. You kind of expect it there and the taste feels appropriate. But on snacking nuts? It’s not the future for me I’m afraid. We both stink tonight. There are a few other nuts in the packet including Californian pistachios and cashews apparently roasted with Parmigiana Reggiano and fragrant rosemary. To be honest that’s bollocks; they’re all so infused with the smell of truffle oil that I couldn’t detect any separate and distinctive cheesey tastes.

I think we’re going to throw them away which seems so wasteful but I can’t eat them. Can we feed them to the swans on the river? I suspect it’d be too alien a taste for them but we’ll see.

Sorry M&S but this is a flavour combo too far for me. I’d rather go back on the carbs than eat these rascals. Anything you guys have tasted recently which didn’t cut the mustard?

pp

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