you’re having a giraffe

Speaking of really funny guys have you nerticed how many so-called comedians and comic actors are just not that funny? I’m not talking about those sad old gits still crucifying the comedy arts like Bruce frigging Forsyth, Ronnie ‘the tapper’ Corbett, Little and Large, Cannon and Ball and Lenny Henry. Nor am I talking about those giants of the US comedy scene like Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy and Steve Martin who became totally sterile of humour the moment somebody in La La land told them they were accomplished film actors rather than great stand-ups.

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the finger flick

One of my many quirks is that I notice little quirks in others. I’m currently intrigued by a dull little tv ad for landlord insurance featuring Sarah Beeney. Now I rather like Ms Beeney, she’s intelligent and forthright and successful. I’ve read that she admits to one insecurity – about her hair. Well that’s as maybe but I have noticed another endearing little feature which is her tendency to flex her fingers when making a point. I’ve noticed it in other people too. I don’t know what it signifies but I like to see her doing it – I’m sure involuntarily – as she talks. It’s a very subtle gesture and you have to be tuned in to see it but it’s funny and cute. Check  the ad and watch for the Beeney flick!

Almost all of us have particular little tics and mannerisms that we’re rarely conscious of. From watching videos of platform speeches I know I do a gurning kind of thing with my mouth at the end of making a key point. Rather than appear serious, which is the look I’m aiming for, I look comical. And I can’t help myself.

If you’ve got a quirky mannerism or have noticed them in others please let me know. I promise not to chuckle….rudely!

pp

hey jude, you make a sad ad

Well it’s the time of year when the perfume companies roll out their Xmas ads. This year’s collection is the usual mix of the good, the bad and  seriously anal. Good? Well I might have exaggerated a tad there. I quite like the filmic quality of the Chanel No 5 ad starring Audrey Tatou nearly meeting some young hunk on a sleeper train then missing each other on passing ferries before finally hooking up in a travel terminus. That could be the campest thing I’ve ever written. Anyway there’s a hint of a plotline there. Of course it could just be that I seriously like Audrey Tatou. Continue reading

the herringbone-pattern coat – have some of it!


The single article of clothing that I most loved wearing was an old overcoat that I scrounged off my step-grandfather when I was 16. It was a size or two too large but it had this herringbone pattern that I thought was so cool. I wore it with the collar upturned, top button fastened, and the flaps held back by my hands in my jeans pockets. I thought I looked meaner than Clint Eastwood smoking on a stubby cheroot whilst staring down Sergio Leone. With that coat on I imagined I could pull women at least as beautiful as those attracted to the man with no name. I was living away from home at the time and when I returned it swiftly got thrown out by my mum who thought I looked like a tramp. It took me some time to get over it to be honest, after all, I’d lost my coat of many pullers.

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what a couple of turkeys

I’ve become hooked on a daytime programme on one of the Discovery Channels called Wheeler Dealers. It’s a programme about cars. I ceased watching anything on the subject years ago once Top Gears’ Jeremy Clarkson reimagined himself as being as important as Louis XIV. But instead of featuring only the latest supercars, this humble little programme features ‘everyman’ classic cars from the last 20 years which have to be bought and renovated for around a £3000 budget – hopefully for a profit for the likely lads who present it. And they are Mike Brewer, yer archetypal cheeky chappie car dealer who finds, buys and sells the motors, who is more than ably assisted by Ed China, the brilliant and put upon mechanic/engineer whose task it is to renovate the near wrecks every week. If I had a son I’d want him to be Ed; handsome, engaging, funny, determined, insightful and tremendously skilled. I’ve learned more about car mechanics in these last couple of weeks then I’ve known in the last 57 years. I’m also pretty confident now that I could haggle and deal at least as well as Mike but I realise that I shall never, ever know as much as Ed about putting cars right. The guy is a bloody genius and his name is as great as his talent. So where do the turkeys come in I hear you ask?

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the redknapps

No it’s not a radical Socialist splinter group from the Somali pirate community but one of the more durable partnerships in the strange C-list fusion world of pop girl and footie guy celebrityness. Jamie and Louise probably rank third in the all-time rankings behind Posh ‘n Becks and Cheryl and Ashley, but look set fair to move up to No 2 in the charts following the recent announcement that the UK’s latest Princess of our Hearts, Chezzer, has decided to separate from the guy whose theme tune could be ‘A rim-full of Ashley on the A45’. Within the same week he’s broken both his ankle and his wife’s heart following a stiff tackle from Landon Donovan on the field and his generous largesse of the afore-mentioned ST with a smorgasborg of wannabee WAGs both live and via his mobile’s iPhoto facility. Blimey he even came close to knocking team mate John Terry off the front pages of the red tops with his salacious antics. Bravo Roman, you must be proud of creating The Bridge over Roubled Daughters. Continue reading

just a minute, mary love

What links Gordon the Moron (no not the one who lost 8 Ministers, got annihilated in the  local and European elections and messed up his own Cabinet  re-shuffle all inside 3 days), cups of tea, washing lines and simple Yorkshire folk? Intrigued? Well the answer’s Graham Fellows, the guy behind one of the best one-hit wonders Jilted John and who went on some 30 years later to create the comic character John Shuttleworth, the aspiring singer-songwriter from Sheffield, South Yorkshire. 

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