So wrong it’s good


I need to admit it; I have an unusual interest. It’s nothing too creepy, I like to look at and admire things that are just a little bit wrong or not terribly good. Simple things like enjoying the images of a carefree Carl Vorderman emerging from the ITV studios in a bodycon dress that’s just a teeny bit too tight or the way Paul Scholes tackled. Possibly the greatest midfielder England has ever produced with the ball at his feet, but a complete lummox when it came to trying to take the ball from the feet of others. If he could have tackled like Booby Moore he would be regarded as better than Pele. Unfortunately his tackling prowess was closer to Brian Moore’s. But to watch him scythe down an opponent a good two minutes after the guy had passed the ball to a team-mate was a source of sheer joy to me. He turned contact clumsiness into an art form and he’d cap it with a show of utter disbelief whenever he was pulled up by some short-sighted referee and shown a very rare yellow card. Ah priceless.


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sexy ladies

I’ve deliberately chosen the headline for three reasons:

– thank you all because today I’ve had the biggest daily traffic to my blog since I started (big thanks PGOB’s bunker hunker) and, in celebration, I thought I ought to write about something more exciting than than footie and BB for a change;

– I like women a lot and feel that I can write sensitively and passionately about their allure;

– I’m starting to understand how this blog stuff works and the headline might just prove provocatively interesting. Yeh I know, cynical.

So, sexy ladies. I have two in mind today from watching tv. And hey this isn’t laddish stuff. Those few who know me appreciate I’m of a certain age, happily married to another sexy lady, with grandkids etc. But today I was attracted in different ways to two women who are huge personalities on daytime tv. Firstly, today was Fern Britton’s 50th birthday and her day time show made a big fuss. I like her hugely. She not only puts up with Phillip Schofield (I had him down for Camp David, mistakenly I admit) but actually seems to get on with him enormously. They’ve great chemistry and make a more natural couple than Jack and Vera. She just looks like she’s happy doing her stuff, sexed up from youngish chef Phil V and up for, well, anything. Despite a few love handles Fern’s not shy about showing her curves and I like that. Which publication was horrified to see her wearing a bikini on the beach last summer? I don’t recall for sure but I thought she looked great. Shock horror, woman has lots of curves. She’s not Cameron Diaz but she ain’t ditzy either. Is it just me but I like her. Friends say she’s mumsy; yeh? I bet Fern knows how to rock when the kids are down. uh huh.

My second choice tonight Matthew will be Carol Vorderman. Now I know Carol is mocked because of her school-marm personna but I think she’s just sexed-up algebra. I have to admit that since Richard ‘had i’m’ Whiteley, her main presenters, the two Desses, have kind of let her down. Here’s an intelligent, attractive woman who’s in need of constant affirmation but who’s allowed to come over as a school mistress. I think Carol is now confused – is she the lead or the naughty but clever pupil ? So we see Carol wearing some very headmistress/mumsy stuff as Des O’C waffles on. She needs someone to peg her back as a numeracy geek but praise her as a woman. Countdown is just about the sexiest show on C4 because of Carol but at the moment it’s so tame. Blimey how long is it since we saw Carol in that dress, which I thought looked bloody fantastic? I sense Carol’s in need of a lift…

Look if they need a new presenter on Countdown…I’m busy (ha!) but give the woman a decent lead.