nuke the duke

Look, I go away to Italy for a couple of weeks and I come back to discover that, in my absence,  ITV have only gone and topped themselves by creating the ultimate in televisual hell.  Yesterday, quite by chance,  I stumbled across the horror that is the David Dickinson Show. How can I describe it? Think Potnoodles, Hear’Say, Blue Nun, Woolworths and Kiss-Me-Quick hats.  It’s like the TV equivalent of the cross-over car that’s actually a shitbox. It’s a chat show with antique valuations with lots of audience participation and special guests, including a ridiculous game show called Seal the Deal, all hosted by the Duke of Orange on a set that looks like it was made out of packing crates and a few light bulbs. I think it might be on everyday in the graveyard slot; 3pm on ITV 1. It must be  available on the IPlayer. If you can bear it, go and check it out. If you can tell me of a sadder, more hopeless attempt at fusion-format TV I’ll send you some of our very own olive oil grown, pruned, picked and processed with my own fairly gnarled hands.  Nothing you can suggest can out-crap this pile of tat.

pp

farewell parky, thank goodness

Did you happen to see the final interviews on the Parkinson show on Saturday night? What did you think? I thought it was all a touch indulgent and a bit sad really. Not because he’s going but because it looked like a tired format which had long overrun its time – an old silver-haired guy chatting to 3 other grey-haired old geysers whose conversations were re-hashes of previous chats. Then a change in pace with a less-than challenging chat with David Beckham followed by ‘young’ Peter Kay, whose routine was just embarrassing. Dressing Parkinson up as a lollypop man wasn’t exactly cutting edge. Then a song tribute from Dame Judy and a 2 minute chat with her which was hi-jacked by Billy Connolly, which was immediately followed by… a song tribute from Dame Edna with both songs trying futilely to find a decent rhyme with Parky. Now if Dame Judy had sung about the ‘flirt from Yorkshire who chats… whilst he porks yer’ I’d have shown more interest.

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