Well hi there folks. We’re over here in Italy. C was here over last week-end and flew back Monday which makes me blue but R keeps me full of spirits. We’re working like bloody Trojans here as we try to get our place ready for letting it out this summer for the first time. Huge amounts of interest on the web-site –  if anybody’s interested please contact http://www.ownersdirect.co.uk/italy/IT4089.htm to learn more and hopefully be inspired to come out here. Hey, we need to be in London for the next couple of months at least so why not take advantage of our lovely home? Continue reading

no way FA – say jose

So after acting like a prick-tease for the last two weeks Jose Mourinho has finally confirmed that he doesn’t fancy a fling with the FA. Only after a lot of heart-searching you understand. Do me favour Jose, we all know you’ve been flirting like crazy with a big European club since leaving Chelsea and now they’ve taken the bait. It can’t be long before you ‘re in bed with them. Who’s the lucky one to get the special one? Well the talk in the sports bars is that it’s down on their luck AC Milan but I’ve been advocating the real deal Real Madrid for months (see my premonition about his sacking in the posting ‘Forecasting’, 21 Sept). So we’ll see eh! Continue reading

Steve McLaren’s new album

Well I thought I’d do a tribute album from the dead man walking at the FA. I couldn’t think of any songs entitled ‘He’s so f**king’ useless or ‘Get rid of him please Brian’ but thought these might be appropriate:


1. Should I stay or should I go?

2. Go now

3. Help!

4. Everybody hurts

5. God only knows

6. Under pressure

7. Substitute

8. Money for nothing

9. No more heroes

10. Fool on the hill

11. Another one bites the dust

Feel free to suggest more biting titles. Who’d make a good manager to do a track-list for? Mourinho’s theme song (You’re so vain) is a bit obvious. What about Wenger?



I’m not sure if this is going to work as a posting but this was a message
I sent to friends from Italy during last season’s Champions league.
My forecasting prowess was obviously hopeless so far as the footiewas concerned but the bit about Mourinho seems spookily accurateSo the special one’s off to Real then. I’d get down the bookies now!

> guess you all seen the draw in the Champs league. If not it's:
>     Milan  v  Bay Mun
>     PSV Ein v  Liv'l
>     Roma v the mighty Man U
>     Russia FC v  Valencia
> Crackerjack or what? let me paint a scenario. Milan v the germans very
> difficult to call. I'm half italian now so should support Milan but got a
> sneaking feeling that the germans could squeeze thru at home second leg.
> it sets ups  intrigung match for owen hargreaves in the semi....more in a
> second!
> PSV will lose to Liverpool who will be just too strong for the arsenal
> thumpers.
> Roma have got totti but he's got a ridiculous name for a footballer and
> neville will give him a welcome to madchester whack and he'll disappear in
> secong leg. The reds, without any forwards, to win with streaky late
> penalty.
> Russia FC will have torrid time in valencia (that reserve player of theirs
> has an awesome right hook) but will also squeeze through with  two goals
> from the Dog (one off his shin, the other off his big fat arse) at home in
> the  abramovichstad stadium.
> Semi-finals. A tantalising all-english tie between Russia Fc and the Pool.
> Benitez is the best tactical manager in European football in my humble
> view and will yet again out-fox the special one. Emotional night for
> liverpool - lots of interviews of the scouse lads in the team crying into
> the microphone and dedicating the win to the liverpool dockers. bellamy
> having scored the winning goal will take his willy out on match of the day
> and dedicate it to all the girls he's belted in cardiff's many nightclubs.
> Meantime peter kenyon will declare after the match that the result is not
> a set-back in their plans for world domination. shockingly he will also
> announce that Jose has left the club by mutual consent (with a £20m pay
> off) and declares confidentally that none of the key players at Russia fc
> will be bothered about jose's departure.
> next day Jose appears at a press conference at real madrid to announce his
> appointment as the new manager following fabio capello's sacking on 12
> march as a result of losing to barcelona in la liga. he is flanked by
> essien, makele, petr helmethead and the Dog who have followed him to the
> bernie bow.
> next day fat frank lampard appears at a press conference in barcelona to
> announce his signing for the club citing his wife's desire to return to
> her catalan family as the main reason for the move and denying completely
> that the salary of £150k fer week had any bearing on his decision.
> next day peter kenyon is found dead with a lethal dose of plutonium Z200
> in his bloodstream, 'about 4 spadesful' according to a Met Police
> spokesman. Sadly they have no clues or ideas as to who may have been
> responsible for administering the toxic cocktail.
> meanwhile man u and bayern munchinggladtobeback play out a fairly dull
> semi-final which comes into life in the final frantic five minutes when
> the bayern player owen hargreaves incredibly scores 5 own goals to gift
> the tie to a largely undeserving and rather fortunate man u.
> next day owen hargreaves signs for man u for a world record £25m for a
> canadian born, german-speaking englishman. he dedicates his performance in
> the semi final to Uli hoeness, the general manger of  bayern M-k who
> worked so hard to prevent the transfer from happening. Sir Alex ferguson
> is admitted overnight to Crumpsall hospital in madchester. He is allowed
> home the next day. A hospital spokesman said that the prolonged laughing
> attack had not proved harmful and Sir Alex had returned to his customary
> sad tw*t personality.
> The final: the first all-english final in the history of the Champions
> League. A breathless affair. Liverpool have almost all the possession,
> hitting the woodwork on seventeen separate occasions. In the last minute
> substitute teddy Sheringham - signed  on loan from the relegated hamsters
> the day before the final -  aged 40 (but two yards faster in his head then
> any of the scouse defenders) scores with the last kick of the match. An
> incredible goal as it rebounded off the corner flag before hitting going
> through jersey doodeck's legs. 'Yes of i meant it' teddy said excitedly at
> the post match interview and he dedicated his match winning performance to
> stephen gerrard who 'played an absolute blinder but who sadly made the
> mistake of marrying his embarrassing scouse girlfriend' chortled teddy.
> So there you have it and don't forget you read it here first. Come on you
> reds
> fat pasta boy








the best looking football managers of all time

It’s hard to get through to any serious commentary on the Mourinho/Chelsea situation because of all the female gnashing over the departure of the hottest guy ever to grace the screens of MoTD. Everywhere you turn are women eulogizing about his gorgeousness. I saw some stuff on GMTV this morning which made me blush. I don’t know who the old bird was they had on the couch but she was positively orgasmic in her breathy descriptions of the guy. They brought on some male models in 3 of his classic outfits – the track suit (she quite liked that), the Armani suit (she was squirming now) and finally the grey winter coat and scarf (yes, yes, yes Jose!). Steady girl. Yesterday morning on straight-laced Victoria Derbyshire’s phone-in show on Radio 5, one woman caller, when asked to relate her favourite Mourinho memory, just drawled hotly ‘he’s just so dirrrty.’ Even Victoria giggled and in her deepest slow voice simply offered us ‘oh i know’ and left it hanging there for a few seconds. Just the silence of women imaging how dirty he could be…..oh Jose.

Continue reading

mourinho no more…

….as the Proclaimers might say. And so it came to pass that the relationship between The Special One and The Rich One finally broke down completely. News late last night was that Mourinho has left the club, and probably walked out. That’s a lot of money to walk away from so, if it’s true that he did walk, then that fragile truce which Kenyon patched up with sticky tape must have been blown apart by more Abramovitch criticism of his manager. Let’s face it he couldn’t have been impressed by a 1-1 draw with the mighty Rosenborg of Norway – especially when his desire is to win the Champions league above all else.

Continue reading