It’s how you say it…

Well I mentioned in the last post that I thought Matt Hancock was the crappest person in the UK because of his atrocious performance in the role of Health Secretary. And within days Dominic Cummings had delivered evidence of private text messages with Boris J confirming that he (Boris) also agreed that Hancock was totally fucki*g useless. Not my words; the Prime Minister’s. It’s nice to know that people in high office agree with you but also damn scary that Hancock’s still in control of policies around the NHS response to the pandemic whilst his boss, the Head of the UK Government, thinks he’s a complete fuckwit. Thank god we don’t have rapidly rising cases of a new variant affecting us. Oh we do? FFS how many waves and restrictions do we have to endure because this fuckwit of a Minister cannot get a firm final grip on the problem? I suspect it’s because Johnson only wants to retain him as the sacrificial scapegoat when the inevitable enquiry makes its findings and appoints blame. Keep your real feelings discreet eh Bojo?

So the norm in public life increasingly is to say one thing privately but to be supportive publicly. Hmmm.  At the end of the day where does that get you? And that brings me on to the Euro football Championships. Well not so much the football, which has been ok, but the pre and post-match statements from footballers. Now we all know that many young footballers are poorly educated and are blessed with huge amounts of wages but not a lot of common sense. In times past that meant you could get a great and probably highly inappropriate quote from a naive player like Paul Gascoigne, which might have caused some public upset but also some greatly enjoyed national humour. I never really enjoyed the baiting of some less than sophisticated players but I do miss the honestly-expressed answers/opinions straight from the heart. These days these pampered footballing talents have PR and social media companies as well as the dead hand of the FA communications officials preparing all their public statements and briefing them on how to address questions as if they are politicians ie to spout words that sound  like you’re being responsive without actually adding anything interesting or insightful. It’s a terribly unwelcome development.

So let’s assume a conversation between a tv reporter and Harry Kane, say, about England’s last match against Scotland, a dull 0-0 result…

Reporter… Harry how disappointed were you with the outcome? {real meaning – you were shit tonight weren’t you?}

Harry… Obviously it’s a disappointment but it puts us in a good position to still move forward {real meaning – we were hopeless but we got away with a scratchy fucking draw}

Reporter… Did you think the manager got the team selection right tonight? {real meaning – Southgate fucked up picking Shaw and James at full back didn’t he?)

Harry…Obviously, like I said, the manager picks the team and he picked the formation he thought was right for this particular match [real answer – I think Shaw played like a tool and as an attacking wing back James gave me fuck all service all night long}

Reporter…How do you think you played Harry? {real question – you were fucking useless tonight Harry, why was that?}

Harry…Well yeh obviously, like I said, it’s a tough schedule and I’m disappointed not to have scored tonight but I’m feeling good and to be fair I don’t accept that I have a natural right of selection {real meaning – I got jack shit service all night and now suddenly it’s all my fault. If the manager drops me I’ll be seriously pissed off; I’m captain and top scorer in case you’d forgotten)

Reporter…so do you think the constant media speculation over your potential move away from Tottenham has distracted you and perhaps affected your performance? { real question – are you moving to Man City or not?)

Harry… Well like I said I’m just focused on my England duties right now {honest answer – of course I’m distracted, wouldn’t you be if your future was being negotiated by that jumped up barrow boy Daniel Levy? Look at his progress negotiating a new manager for Tottenham, utterly farcical}

Reporter… so who do you think might be the new Spurs manager and will that have a bearing on whether you stay or leave? {real question – surely you must want away from the shambles of a once decently run club?}

Harry… well to be fair the Chairman’s working as hard as he can to bring in a great new manager to take the club to the next level {real meaning – well Levy’s tried to attract every fucking deadbeat out of work manager in world football and so far failed. I’m guessing it can’t be long before he calls up big Sam or Tony fucking Pulis}

Reporter… tell us Harry what was your relationship like with former manager Jose Mourinho? {real meaning – so did you find Maureen to be a complete twat like almost every player who’s ever played for him?}

Harry… well to be fair I always got on well with Jose and admired his management style {real meaning – you’re right, he was a complete twat}

Reporter … thanks so much Harry for an insightful chat and good luck for the rest of the tournament (real meaning – well that was a fucking waste of time and we hear from Southgate’s people that you’re out of selection if you fail to score in the next match}

Harry… many thanks and good wishes to all your viewers {real answer – I couldn’t give a fuck what you think you drunken knob}

Do you think this rings true? I despair of platitudes and cliches that footballers trot out. We expect it from politicians – they are naturally liars and economical with the truth. But I long for a footballer who tells it like it is. Or like it was.






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