As Duncan Thicket might say, have you nerticed how many programmes there are on prime-time TV about dancing? The schedules have gone absolutely dance crazy. The daddy of them all, Strictly Come Dancing, has spawned many bastard children; ITV’s Dancing on Ice, So You Think You Can Dance also from the BBC (featuring as a judge the heavily re-treaded Arlene Philipps), Sky’s Got to Dance fronted by a leotarded Davina McCall and Channel 4’s Only When I Dance. Channel 5 must feel like they’re missing out on a huge wave of popular culture and as we speak are probably holding commissioning meetings through the night to try and decide what their ‘innovative and different’ dance formula will be.
No doubt Monkey Dancing, Dancing Under Water, Look Good Nude Dancing, Dancing With the Royal Family and the ‘D’ Word/Factor have all been considered and rejected. They must be sat there all glum and desperate but I reckon I have the perfect formula for them. Instead of a search for the very best dancers, they should focus on the dance style at which Britain excels – it’s not ballet or ballroom; belly, barn or break-dancing. No I’m talking about a dance-floor technique which would make us the run away gold medal favourites at the Foxtrot Olympics. The answer C5 is Embarrassing White Middle-aged Dad Dancing. Oh what a rich vein of artistry. The ballroomistas who only perform at weddings and parties after consuming large amounts of cheap red wine. Ahh can you imagine a tv reality programme looking to find the very best (!) of this style of dancing. This guy, inspired by the music from The Full Monty, has only gone and accompanied the young good-looking singer on the make-shift stage. If you can find a better example of the genre of one very sad tw*t believing that his groove is getting the girls all horny, please bring it to the site. Actually there don’t appear to be too many girls at the party. So he’s probably the first gay guy to be absolutely crap at disco.
The very sad thing is I’ve done stuff on the dance-floor which made this guy look like Alisha Dixon and John Travolta’s love child. I just pray the cameras weren’t rolling.
ps I’ve already been sent one photo from an embarrassed son of his folks doing their groove thang on the dance-floor; a performance which seems to have amused the couple on the table – he’s had a few glasses of the bubbly! Keep the photos rolling in kids…