let’s dance

As Duncan Thicket might say, have you nerticed how many programmes there are on prime-time TV about dancing? The schedules have gone absolutely dance crazy. The daddy of them all, Strictly Come Dancing, has spawned many bastard children; ITV’s Dancing on Ice,  So You Think You Can Dance also from the BBC (featuring as a judge the heavily re-treaded Arlene Philipps), Sky’s Got to Dance fronted by a leotarded Davina McCall and Channel 4’s Only When I Dance. Channel 5 must feel like they’re missing out on a huge wave of popular culture and as we speak are probably holding commissioning meetings through the night to try and decide what their ‘innovative and different’ dance formula will be.

No doubt Monkey Dancing, Dancing Under Water, Look Good Nude Dancing, Dancing With the Royal Family and the ‘D’ Word/Factor have all been considered and rejected. They must be sat there all glum and desperate but I reckon I have the perfect formula for them. Instead of a search for the very best dancers, they should focus on the dance style at which Britain excels – it’s not ballet or ballroom; belly, barn or break-dancing. No I’m talking about a dance-floor technique which would make us the run away gold medal favourites at the Foxtrot Olympics. The answer C5 is Embarrassing White Middle-aged Dad Dancing. Oh what a rich vein of artistry. The ballroomistas who only perform at weddings and parties after consuming large amounts of cheap red wine. Ahh can you imagine a tv reality programme looking to find the very best (!) of this style of dancing. This guy, inspired by the music from The Full Monty, has only gone and accompanied the young good-looking singer on the make-shift stage. If you can find a better example of the genre of one very sad tw*t believing that his groove is getting the girls all horny, please bring it to the site. Actually there don’t appear to be too many girls at the party. So he’s probably the first gay guy to be absolutely crap at disco.


The very sad thing is I’ve done stuff on the dance-floor which made this guy look like Alisha Dixon and John Travolta’s love child. I just pray the cameras weren’t rolling.


ps I’ve already been sent one photo from an embarrassed son of his folks doing their groove thang on the  dance-floor; a performance which seems to have amused the couple on the table – he’s had a few glasses of the bubbly!  Keep the photos rolling in kids…


21 thoughts on “let’s dance

  1. Hi Paul, great one !
    I don’t know if you are aware but there is a scientific formula for whether a Dad is up for a dance, especially at weddings, thus:-
    1 pint – “can’t dance tonight, me knee hurts”
    2 pints – “you have a dance with the girls if you want love ”
    3 pints – “look at those muppets”
    4 pints- “look, if they put some ‘proper’ music on I might have a slow one”
    5 pints – “have you got any Quo ? ”
    5 pints + now on the red wine – ” go on then – one smoochie ”
    more wine – ” WHHYY..EEMMM…CEEE…. AAYYYY It’s fun to stay ”
    nightcap – ” Neewwww Yoorrrk New York I waanna wake up!!

  2. ha!

    hi dave. excellent.

    as you know i’m a stage 5 white wine man and new york, new yorkkk happens to be the song that’s guaranteed to get me up there throwing some shapes on the d-floor.

    i’m tempted to write a posting on the northern soul dance scene. know anybody who could supply me with a back-story and some video footage…..?
    (dear readers my bro d was one of wigan’s finest dancers – before the knee collapsed. he still performed miraculously one special night in carvoeiro but that’s another story).


  3. Nope – friend of the family. She had actually broken her thumb about half an hour before the photo was taken. Therefore, had a legitimate excuse for poor coordination.

    Dad had no excuse (although will revert back the knee issue which never seems to bother him whilst playing snooker/drinking wine etc).

    It truly was a magnificent display of Dad Dancing. After this, never to be seen again…

  4. hey russ

    i know that middle-age thing looks a long way off but one day you too will go through the experience of seeing a broad mind and a narrow waistline change places!
    ps keep the stuff coming

  5. I’ve got more photos of my old man to highlight exactly what blokes were wearing in the 80’s.

    Maybe that’s for another posting on fashion though…?

  6. Pingback: another milestone « Pasta Paulie

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