syrups, it’s a pity!

Well I guess that as I was critical of SJP and all that chick-com fashion schmaltz embodied in Sex and the City, I thought that I ought to redress the balance and have a pop at the least enviable vanity trait of the male of the species. I’m talking about hairpieces, you know those ridiculous bits of rug that male media personalities of a certain age  take to wearing or weaving into their increasingly thinning scalps in the mistaken belief that a) it preserves their youthful looks and b) it’s so lifelike  it’s impossible to detect. D’ya think?

Now I have to declare my personal position at this point.  I lost the bulk of my lustrous locks many years ago and what’s left get’s shaven off every morning. It’s the baldness that people first notice whenever I meet someone new but I long since stopped feeling self-conscious about it and I’d like to think that it’s not the only thing they remember me for. If there is a curse attached to going completely bald, it’s an ironic one in that I spend more time on grooming each morning with ‘no’ hair than I ever did with a headfull (often with bloody results – as regular readers will know). It might well destroy a youthful look but who but the most vain and insecure or completely deluded  would really want to look like a 22 year old at 52? Isn’t that the irrational quest for many media stars rather than follow the example of say, Sean Connery, who looked terrific as a hirsuite man in his 20’s but who looked even more handsome I’d suggest as a grizzled and grey-bearded bald bugger in his later years?

Instead our tv screens are filled with the most ridiculous follicle follies from the likes of Tony Blackburn, Eddie Jordan and the woefully-wigged Terry Wogan, who by all accounts has a collection of the rat-tailed rugs to match the length and increasingly greying tones of his natural locks. Take a look at the shots below to see what I mean:


It must be such a palaver every single morning to decide which one fits best. Wouldn’t it just be easier to grow old with some dignity and chuck the rugs out? Then it’d be Mr Wig-gone, Terry. I suspect it’s way too late for that.

But it’s in Hollywood of course that the desire to be seen to be defying the ageing process is at its most extreme. Did you know that Ted Danson was already sporting a hairpiece whilst he was enjoying his first flush of success with Cheers, even when he looked like this:


Some more shockers; well I understand that Michael Jackson was virtually bald by the time he died; pretty boys Mathew McConaughey and Ben Affleck have had hair weaves; John  Travolta’s lost all his hair, Pierce Brosnan’s in need of extra thatching for his roles these days and action man Mel Gibson’s recently turned up with a remarkably thicker head of hair than in recent years. It’s mad Mel. Now here’s a thing, it’s even said that George Clooney’s hair isn’t natural. He had a receding hair line 12 years ago and it’s as straight as an arrow across the forehead now. How on earth did you manage to defy mother nature George? Probably got inside her pants….

10/27/98 ER















George Clooney





















Who’da thunk it eh? Sorry girls.

Still it could have been worse ladies; he could have chosen Burce Forsyth’s wig-maker for his trusty syrup. Now that would have been not nice to see:
















Is it just me? Who’s your top toupee trooper? The more shocking the better.



8 thoughts on “syrups, it’s a pity!

  1. Superb blog Paul, cutting as always !
    What about the world’s worst example of trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, skin, hair follicles, trotters, curly tail that is the shambles of a ginger brillo pad as sported by Dame Reginald Dwight. It just proves that however much money you have you can’t grow grass in a desert- the fat tosser !!
    Keep ’em coming PP

  2. Hi Dave

    Yep I’d almost forgotten Elt’s pelt. I saw a shot of him on telly once and a gust of wind blew his ‘hair’ to one side exposing that his weave started almost at the top of his head and it’s effectively a back-to-front pony tail. Underneath that ginger mane it’s a virtually bald pate. I’d have to put Reg’s rug in the top 5 dave. Great spot.


  3. Hi Paul,
    On a similar theme, here’s my thoughts on crap hairdo’s which I feel the need to share for discussion and for the fact that Sunday nights are crap on tv….

    Paul Weller
    Britney Spears (hide the clippers, Britney’s having a breakdown)
    Virginia Wade
    HRH The Queen (begging for a bob or a Rachel from Friends)
    Camilla Duchess of York
    Art Garfunkel
    Don King
    Simon Cowell
    Mick Miller (the 80’s comedian, not the greyhound)
    Boris Johnson
    David ‘cheap as chips’ Dickinson
    Carlos Valdarama (in the days before Colombia stocked GHDs)
    Carlos Tevez (just an oily mess)
    Kelly Osborne
    Mr T
    Tattoo from Fantasy Island
    The ginger one from Harry Potter
    Peter Wyngard as Jason King
    Queen Elizabeth I (pity they didn’t have Frizz-Ease in her day)
    Margaret Beckett
    Rick Parfitt

    Very, very bad mullets:-
    Michael Bolton
    Billy Ray Cyrus
    Chris Waddle
    Suzi Quattro
    Peter Stringfellow

  4. Hi Hel

    Another great list. Maybe I should just set a topic headline and let you do the posting. Certainly better and more fun than my efforts. Some great hair disasters and prominent wiggies. Though strictly speaking I think Donald Trump is guilty of the lesser charge of a grievous comb-over. Those shots of him getting out of his helicopter and desperately trying not to let the down draught blow his hair about and expose his underlying bald pate are just hilarious.

    Keep on commenting Hel.


  5. Hi Paul,

    You could be right about Trumpy, though I have a sneaking feeling it’s a merkin stuck on with unibond and a lot of hope.
    It also makes you wonder that there is no-one in his life who has enough bottle to say ‘Donald….NO,!!’ Maybe it’s just a tad foolish to show a little honesty to billionaire Mr.Trump?

    Phil Spector’s syrup though… Bloody hell.

  6. hi hel

    ooh phil the WoS must borrow his wigs from tina turner i reckon. except that on the inspector they just look spectacularly ridiculous.

    as for the trumpmeister i’d be interested to now if anyone shed light on is it a syrup or is it a comb-over or both perhaps. either way he looks a prat.

  7. Pingback: humble « Pasta Paulie

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